BRITNEYYYY!

Oh no it's teh trips!

More of everything

Hay jerks

Hey guys what's new? Well recently, though the magic of the internet, I happened to stumble upon this waaaacky website called www.churchsigngenerator.com! This site is soooo silly and crazy and great cause it lets you make a fake church sign...online!!!! All you do is enter some "text" and somehow they turn it into a picture which says what you told is to say! I quickly put this fancy tool to good use, creating a bunch of wacky "real" signs! Here are a couple of my best:

aaaand

lol so that was fun and all, but then I noticed a link to www.george-says.com and I clicked on the link and I was like "...whoa!" George-says.com is like churchsigngenerator.com on steroids! It allows to put your own words in the word ballon of our famous American president! You get to choose a combination of goofy backgrounds and George poses to make our comander and chief look like an idiot! I immediately saw the potential of this crazy thing so I made this:

I couldn't stop cracking up!!! As soon I regained control of my body after that laughing fit, I used my hands to type on my keyboard and make this:

That one made me laugh even more! I was on a roll so, I decided to keep the wackiness comin' with this pic:

lol! Finally, once my groove had been fully hit, I created my piece de resistance, presented, to you, here:

Ohhhhh my god, what an idiot!!!
So in honor of my making these crazy pictures, I am pleased to announce The 1st Annual www.George-Says.com Wacky President Picture Contest 2004! I am asking you, my readers, to use this fun and educational website to make your own freaky George W. Bush pictures, and then send them to me! I will post the 50 best entries right here in Booztown, but only one picture will receive coveted "Faceman Award for Excellence in Wackiness" The best part is the winner gets a free sexy date with me at Papa's Pizza!! So get up, get out, and get on the bus cause things are gonna get goofy!
E-mail your best www.george-says.com pics to RandomButler@aol.com right away!
Now get off my plane.

In the night, when I dream, I'm in love with you

Cause you talk to me like lovers do

what, oh boy

This entry has been removed by the American police.

Mmmmm

Hey guys...to be truthful....I am full of love....and music....and lots of anger. Tons of anger. I am so angry that I constantly fantasize about killing people or at least beating them up. But c'mon, that's guy stuff....guys like to kill stuff, c'mon!!! Guys also like pick-up trucks, hot dogs, big dogs, crazy women, manliness, power tools, sports, and money and power. That's about it. Men are also emotionally shallow. They have no concept of "caring" or "love", cause, I mean, c'mon, if they did...that would make them a total pussy. An American male's biggest fear is of being a pussy. His second-biggest fear is commitment. His third-biggest fear is bees. Big, angry bees. Lemme tell ya what, men are nothing but robots with no value for human life nor the intricacies of keeping it real. In the end, men are doomed to death when all the women discover sex toys that get them off better than anything ever so it sucks to be you, pig. Fuck you, mang.

Here's a little something that you might not know

There's an old guy out there who wantum much help kids with muscular dystrophy. THis man's name is Jerry Lewis. A couple years back he made the comment that female comedians aren't funny, and a bunch of people got all up in arms about this. Honestly, I would tend to agree with Jerry. It seems like "wymen comediennes" have nothing better to talk about than being a woman, and the wacky circumstances which result from having their gender which they have. A typical female comedian's routine goes a little something like this:
"My boyfriend hates it when I am on my period, cause I eat all the ice cream in the world and I am a total bitch. If only they made a vibrator that would fix the sink with its power tools, I would be much better off."
Haha see women comedians aren't funny! I know some very funny women who totally make me LoL, but it's never cause they talk about stupid woman shit which is stupid! Fuck, you female comedian slut bitch sluts.
Here are my impressions of other comedians who aren't funny if they rely on some crappy schtick:
Black comedian: "White people are soooo uptight...(how, uptight, are they?)...well, homeschool, I will tell you what. White people are sooo uptight that they can't dance. Word."
Gay comedian: "My boyfriend hates it when I am sucking his dick and I am gay, I like girly stuff. I am so gay that when I go to the carwash, they don't wash my car with soap, they wash it with semen."
Speaking of semen, did you know that "man seed" is an anagram of "semen ad"? Coincidence? Fuck you.
Second-generation Mexican comedian: "Man, mexicans are always like 'Eyyyy esse, you gotch any burrrrrritos, mang?' And don't even get me started on my mom. My mom talks really fast because she is Mexican, and she has an accent and she is poor."
Black female comedienne (Wanda Sykes): "My black ex-boyfriend is an asshole. I pooped on his car and I then I used my period to bleed on a wachcloth and I sent him the washcloth in the mail and then I called him on the phone and I was like 'Honey, you need to get real, get a job, and move out of your momma's igaloo.' and he was like 'Baby, why...why you gotta be like that?' and then I hanged up da phoooooooooooooooooooone."
Not funny comedian: "I used to work in an office environment, which was weird. The people at my old job, they liked to do boring work and one time I went to a party which was attended by a bunch of people from my office environment, and maaan was it awkward and boring. I was standing by the food, which was just some chips and some dips lol, and I was talking to this gal from my office and drinking a budweiser beer and I was a little drunk and normally I wouldn't consider it but I was kinda in the mood to play my playa card with this gal and I was like 'Baby, this is pretty awkward isn't? The people here are lame and awkward and it's really awkward to be heeya. Wanna...wanna...wanna bounce?' and the bitch she threw her booze punch in my face and, and I was soaked, and embarassed, and so I went home."
Oooookay that's all the people ever whatever. Then again, I am one to talk, I am not funny at all, so what right do I have to criticize people who are funny for a living. I'm bad man. Good bad, that is.

Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeace

I love Matt Galant

Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about

What's up guys?! Well tonight I was browsing through these writings and I noticed that somebody had left a comment on my entry entitled "An Impression of RENT." When I saw this I was all super pumped up and I was shaking and bouncing all over the place! I excitedly clicked the link to the comments page, expecting to find that somebody had said something like "lol! That was grate man, you've still got it" but no! Instead, somebody had written this:
you are an idiot
My huge smile twisted into a tear, which came out of my eye. I read the comment again, and there was no mistaking the fact somebody had indeed posted a mean-spirited, hateful super slam on my intelligence. My shock and sadness quickly turned into rage as I grabbed a nearby paperback book and threw it at a wall as hard as I could.
Once I regained my composure, I fell into a state of total puzzlement...why would somebody leave this comment which was obviously intended to hurt my heart? As I reread my RENT entry, I realized what was wrong...some faggot was upset about my portrayal of the musical. As I said, I have never seen RENT, but I guess I just assumed it was a couple of hours of gay people sucking each other off and singing songs about it. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. After reading about the play on the official RENT website, my world has been turned upside down! It turns out there are no homosexuals in RENT! In fact there are no sexual themes to be found. And definetly no David Robinson. Hey I am just kidding! According to the official RENT synopsis, there's plenty of all these things...and more! Check it out:
...As Joanne wrangles with the sound equipment for Maureen's performance, her parents leave her VOICE MAIL #2, pleading with her to come to her mother's confirmation hearings in Washington. Collins arrives at the loft with a bag full of goodies. This includes Angel, transvested into Angel Dumott Shunard and gloriously arrayed in his Christmas finest- wig, glitter, and platform pumps. In TODAY 4 U, Angel explains how he earned $1,000: a wealthy woman hired him to play the drums until her neighbor's yappy Akita barked itself to death.
Whoa, that's craaaazy! Armed with my new awarness of the complexeties of this musical, I present my second impression of RENT:
David Robsinson: What's up Joanne?
Joanne: Oh, nada mucho, just wranglin with the sound equipment for Maureen's performance! Yo, check out this message my parents left me:
Hey, put on a fancy and dress and earings
Come check out my confirmation hearings
Comin up atcha right outta the blue
Really hope you like it, it's voicemail #2
David Robinson: Wow, that's awesome!
Angel: Hey guys, I'm back!
David Robinson: Hey, what's up, sexy?
Angel: Oh nothing much........I just made a thousand bucks.
Joanne: What? How?!
Angel: Sucking dick. No I am just kidding! Actually, a wealthy woman hired me to play drums until her neighbor's yappy Akita barked itself to death.
David Robinson: Haha, that's awesome!
Joanne: You go girl!
Angel: Oh I will! I will go straight to the bank...to desposit all this money I just made!
The Evil Landlord: Not so fast! You owe me exactly $1000, so now it's time to pay the RENT.
Angel: Maaaaan.
David Robinson: Now hold on just a minute here. There's gotta be a way to resolve this so that everybody gets what they....want.
The Evil Landlord: Ha! I seriously doubt that.
David Robinson: How about...you let Angel keep his money...
The Evil Landlord: Never!
David Robinson: ..and we all suck each others dicks.
The Evil Landlord: .....Well...that would be...acceptable.
Later that night:
The Evil Landlord: Oh yeah, oh...oh yeah, that's the stuff. Suck my dick you dirty fucking faggot. Oh...oh god...I'm gonna come. Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!
David Robinson: Mmmmmmmm what?
The Evil Landlord: Oh my, that was faaaabulous!
Angel: This is so hot. Okay now I'll suck David Robinson's dick while you fuck him in his filthy faggot shitty nasty asshole, Evil Landlord.
David Robinson: Oh, oh yeah, that's the stuff. Suck me off, homo. Make me blow my gay load of hot and spicy cum all over the place, faggot.
The Evil Landlord: Okay now I'm gonna stick my hard cock in your wacky black anus.
David Robsinson: Is it in yet?
The Evil Landlord: Yes, yes it is.
David Robinson: Yeah, that's what I'm talkin about. Oh...oh god...here it comes...here it comes.......cha-plow!
Spiderman: Oh great, you got some of your fag jism on my outfit, queerhead.
Angel: Whatever you do, don't rub that stuff in any open wounds! (everybody cracks up)
The End!

Hay

On September 11th, 2001 the terrorist shot his planes at our national monuments....we tried to scramble our jets but the terrorists were just too cool as ice. The terrorist took his planes and shot people on the planes with his box cutters and then he said "Let's roll" in Arabic and then in ebonics. And then the terrorism flew its planes into big buildings...the buildings caught on fire, they burned up and got burnt. The buildings collapsed on a bunch of firemans and the firemans were like "Ohhhh nooo!" and they yelled but no amount of yelling will stop a huge building from collapsing...on top of firefighters. All the firefighters died as heroes but in realisty most of them were jerks and they liked getting in fights. Well they got in the ultimate fight....a fight with a million pounds of bricks...and they all lost. No matter how hard you can punch you can't just punch away a billion pounds of rocks and building. Even Spiderman, who is really strong, died in the world trade center. He was making his way up the stairs and shooting webs out of his wrists but in the end the world trade center snapped in half and smashed him. Spiderman is just that, a man, and no man (or woman) can withstand the mental and physical pressure of a shitload of twin towers collapsing on their body. When the twin towers collapsed everybody in America, the USA started crying about it like a bunch of criers. Well not me. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed. I was like "Oh shit, you see that? Them buildings just snapped like, ohhhhhhh, snap!" and then all my friends slapped me and they were like "Dude, that's not cool." and I was like "What?"
In the end, I can forgive Xzibit for the holocaust because of that song he did makeing fun of alcoholics. I forget what the song was called, but it made me lol

hay fags

It's a different world

RandomButler: where's the beef?
King KopKilla: I don't have any beef

What

on September 11th, 2001 the terrorists took their planes....they crashed one plane into Aaliyah...totally. They took their other plane and shot it into tower 69 and it shot sparks out and next thing you know both buildings are on fire and the steel is melting and and black people are dying and it's horrible...
Music from Jamaica all the the love that I've found....
Baby you're a big blue whale....
Black Rob
Been around the world tonigh-yi-yi
We been playa hated
I don't know what I don't why
Why they want us faded

what

On September 11th, 2001 the terrorists shot our buildings down with their planes...they hate freedom and they like...umm...horrible crazy damage to our world trade centers and pentagon!!!! forreals? on September 11th, 2001 the terrorist used their planes to shoot down our buildings...so we shot their buildings...with our bombs....in their face. Ha! :-/

what, yo

sprread your love and fly
sprread your love and fly
all around the world statues crumble for me
who knows how long i've loved you
every where I go, people stop and they see
25 years old
my mother god rest her soul
lawda mercy
i just wanna fly
put your arms around me baby
put your arms around me baby
yah
dance a little stranger
show me where you been
love can make you hostage
wanna do it again
there's no time to think
bout the start and all the end
we'll find out i'm told
my mother she told me so
iiiii just wanna fly blah blah blah

Still life what

NBA

Click for incredible sex

Nooooo

It's good to know that Twista really likes Reebok shoes...so do I!

Rapper and Actor DMX

Batman Ejaculating on the Space Shuttle and Africa

Yeah, I said it.

Okay, okay

Hello, seniors...um okay so I have made like 50 frenetic entries tonight cause I think I am funny but I realized only the first one wiht Spiderman in it was actually funny so here's my last attempt of the night at being funny. Basically the premise is that Spiderman is funny is funny and British people are fags.
Spiderman: "Oi 'allo, suh, this heeya is Spidermeyen wha spot o' tea!"
The cops: "Sir I'm gonna need you to calm down..."
At this point Spiderman starts shooting all the cops with his web blaster and he tries to shoot webs at all the gun holsters of the cops but, get this, he is really drunk and ends up shooting them in their crotches with his webs which are harmless and then he just passes out on his feet and falls into a patch of grass and all the cops crack up and they start to cuff him but he wakes up again and he squirms around and is like "What...what's going on here....matey" and he is still trying to talk in a British accent and then he tries to grab a cop's gun and the cops all draw their guns and empty their clips into Spiderman. Whoops, no more British Spiderman. Yeah, guess what cops like to shoot a people a bunch. What else is new?

Hello fag here is my picture entitles "Suck and Mr. Moustache"

Hey I'm funny

I would like to prove that I can impersonate anything and make it funny...like here's.....Dr. Dre
Dr. Dre: "Yo whatup Detroit....suck my dick."
Sleepy Brown: "Yeah, you'd like that."
No really I had something to good to impersonate but I forgot what it was. So...here's something better...an impression of the 1993-1994 Orlando Lakers:
Shaq: "Fuck you....transients."
Penny Hardaway: "Shaq, what are you saying. Hobos made you what you are today...a rapper."
Shaq: "True dat."
I um...must go. Okay here's what you really want:
Jose Cuervo Captain Morgan Tre Cool Blowjob Fireman. Okay now I really must go.

An Impression of RENT

David Robinson: "Unh, yeah, what, jizz in my mouth you sexy hot fucking faggot."
Faggot: "Oh..oh god. Congratulations, you now have AIDS. Now pay some RENT!"
Doogie Howser: "Have you discovered the secret of the big O?"
David Robinson: "Orgasm?"
Doogie Howser: "Noooo, you fucking idiot. Overstock.com. Aaaanyways, open wide, it's time to pay the.........RENT."
David Robison: "Ahhhh."
Doogie Howser: "Oh, oh yeah. That's the stuff! Oh, oh, splooge, skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet. Unh....what...."
Later that night:
David Robinson: "Guys..I just got the results of my HIV test and I am....HIV....positive."
Gay fags: "Gasp!"
Okay that's all I got for my impression of a musical jerkoff which I have never seen or cared about.

An Open Letter to my Penis

Baby....hey just kidding. What's up, jerks? How's it hangin in Youland? Okay, anyway...
Have ya'll seen this MTV show called Newleyweds?...it's like Spiderman...except with Jessica Simpson. Social ettiquite demands that while you watch this television programme you yell "You fucking idiot!" at Jessica, cause she is stupid. Hmmm have you seen this one exchange between Jessica Simpson and her friend where they both struggle to figure out what the meaning of the baseball term "double" is? I guarantee you at least one of the dumb slut bitches knows exactly what a double is. Supposedly a lot of women think it makes them more attractive to act all ditzy and what...well it worked for Jessica Simpson; I want to have sex with her. Zing!
Speaking of Jessica Simpson, have you seen the television programme about her younger sister Ashlee Simpson? It chronicles her first melodical release. Ashlee Simpson is a fucking nigger and the music is horrible. Okay, okay, sorry I just needed to get that out there. Thanks for sitting through my cutting edge commentary on the Simpson family.
Okay here's Spiderman and a drunk guy!
Drunk guy: "Hey....spiiiiderman! haha!"
Spiderman: "Yeah, it's me...fuck you!"
Drunk guy: "Spiderman! Hey, hey...show me the web blast."
Leonardo DiCaprio: "Hey, Spiderman...show him the web blast!"
Spiderman: "Nah, nah, not thanks...I uh, ya know, I don't really to like be a dick about it...you know, the web blasting thing."
Drunk guy: "Yo...hey dude, fuck you start blasting some webs...Spiderman."
Off-duty homosexual police officer: "Spiderman, why won't you blast the webs, hambre?"
Spiderman: "Allright...guys I have to get going, have a nice night all of you."
Drunk guy: "Oh, right on, I guess he's gotta get going. Cause he's a pussy."
Spiderman (turning around): "Um...say...what?"
Very pregnant woman: "Hey, I think you heard him, pussy."
Spideman: "Spiderman."
Spiderman then kicks the pregnant woman in the stomach really hard. Spiderman is really strong and her baby dies and nature takes its course and she gives birth to a wacky stillborn fetus and when the fetus comes out it has a big dead smile on its face. And it's also wearing a cowboy hat and it's holding a lasso but it's dead so it can't do any rope tricks. Ha!
Okay here is a new true dialogue story:
Reggie Miller: "Hey guys what's up?"
Michael Jordan: "Nothing much just smoking cigars and eating Pringles."
Vivica A. Fox: "Hey...ya we are just smoking those good cubans and eating lots of Pringles chips!"
Reggie Miller: "One of these days..."
Okay the end gotta go fuck yourself!

More art that you love

Shaq Attacking a Crunch Bar and Other Stuff
7 1/2" x 7"
oil on canvas
2069
$50,000

The Blowjob-Carb Diet

That's it....go away.

Hello people,

Here is a picture which I drew of my black friend, whose name is Kwame Dwayne Wayne Smith Jordan Mutumbo.

Boy Meets World: The College Years

Hoobastank? More like...Hoobasuck.
Here's a pretty picture I drew:

Flip it, fag bag

Fuck you!

U Make me Wanna

You make me wanna leave one I'm wit
Start a new relationship with you
Hello hlelo jerks live from Booztown heaven this is Tre Cool. Welcome to Booztown where we fuck around more than Usher, tre.
This is wahtcha do,
this is wahtcha do,
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with,
Start a new relationship with you, thisis what you do,
Think about a ring and all the things come along with
You make me
You make me
What waht hwat
Shut face nig blewjob what punch head big head bog shots scott peterson
Fuck the right wing
Get a job, Tron
Put putt putt putt
Booztown what

Have you seen the new deoderant commercial where Xzibit like kills some dude.

I had a dream lol! No like okay I had a dream today, and I say today because like I woke up at like 11 am but then I went to sleep again. And like I was totally drunk last night so um when I woke up I wasn't feeling to good...and um okay obviously I made some cool entries last night but sometimes you have to ask yourself...what's more important, you're booze or you blogspot...the answer was clear, and I have given up drinking...forever. From now on anything I write or draw or talk about was not created under the influence of booze or drugs. I am now on the path to clean' livin' and nobody can change that, okay? Anyways, I fell asleep today and I had this dream:
I was at Adam Churnside's birthday party, which was being held in the Sheldon cafetia and so that was pretty crazy. But it got weirder when I realized that Bob Saget was there!!! I was in awe, and I was totally convinced I was awake at the time!!! Seriously  I thought about it and I was like "No, this is legit and it kicks ass." and so somehow I walked up to Bob. I am not kidding you. And I was standign right in front of him and this guy fucking dwarfed me. Like he had at least two feet on me and he was quite intimidating. I tried to talk to him but he basically snubbed me and got pissed off ans walked away. So then I yelled out kinda loud:
"Hey everybody,  it's Bob Saget!" and somebody who was with me scolded me and I felt kinda bad but I didn't care. And then I realized that Jerry Seinfeld was there and he had a highly-noticable rat-tail. No shit. And I was walking around wiht no shirt on but I had a blanket wrapped around me and I was playing it pretty cool even though people were giving me crap about it. So I don't remember much of what happened next but towards the end of this dream I was in this place behind the cafeteria, almost like a lockeroom but not really. There were lots of sexy Sheldon gals there and they were all looking at me and at some point I realized I was probably in a dream and I quickly propositioned two ladies who I was chilling with and I was naked and they accepted and I was swooping them off to some place to have sex and I woke up and it was the early afternoon and then I layed in bed for a while and then I got up and started my day!
Seriously, you can't make this shit up. Pretty sexy, huh?

Hey, hey hey hey now

Okay folks, now there's been a lot of controversy about me...the controversy, of which I speak, is about whether I defecate or not. Well I'm here to round up the rumors like some sort of rowdy cowboy.
I don't defecate, and I don't fart. Okay, I do fart, but when I do, it smells like pudding and bananas. And rice.
Okay I defecate too. But when I shit, I shit pure fiber. What's fiber? I have no idea, but it has something to do with Total Raisin Bran. All I know is that my poop smells like raisins and bananas and makeup. Why? Cause I eat lots of makeup. I am firmly in the belief that all this makeup I eat will make me pretty, but all it seems to do is clog up my pores. Well one day I will have no pores and a lot of women will want to have sex with me. And that's more than I can say for...Eric Estrada...booooooze. Fuck you. Fag.

Be you, do whatcha do

Dr. Pepper hahhahhahahhahahhahahahahahah ow

Hello

Hellllllo robots! Love love love true love lots of sex too

E Entertainment for Television

E! enterainment television is for fag......s

I'm a big man, and I need a big shredda

Hahaha I owned you, bitch

Art for fags

I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so.....scared

W-what w-w-what what what what what what what is this? What're you doin?! What?!
Hey hey folks it's me again, comin to you live from the home of great BBQ ribs, Booztown.
It is my firm belief that deep down it is every woman's fantasy to be fucked by 10 guys at once. The same goes for Lil' Bow Wow. And Tim Allen.
Speaking of Tim Allen, here is a little exchange I happened to witness between Tim Allen and basketball prodigy LeBron James:
Tim Allen: "Hello faggots whats up welcome to my world."
LeBron James: "Mr. Allen, I do believe that you are drunk."
Tim Allen: "You know what they say on the continet of Africa......booze: natures booze."
LeBron James: "Well well well well well that's all well and good...but you know what they say about black people, heh...black people like to play basketball."
Tim Allen: "Way to defeat the stereotypes with your incredible Dunk-Off winning dunks...not."
LeBron James: "Oh, you."
Tim Allen: (monkey ape growling grunting animal noises)
Whoopi: "Penis fuck shit vagina nigger nigger oh, snap."
Tim Allen: "Whoopi...what are you doing here?"
Scott Peterson: "Hay guys what's going on in this conversation?"
LeBron James: "Nothing much Scottbot, just killing your pregnant wife on Christmas eve."
Scott Peterson: "Now wait just one moment, that's not poss cause I alredy did tha-....transformers."
LeBron James: "Haha Scott you are a wanksta that's why I wrote that song about you."
50 Cents: " Nigga you trippin, that was my song, I bet you didn't see this comin at your face." (50 Cents punches LeBron James in the face)
LeBron James: "What? Ow, that hurt."
Tim Allen: "LeBron, that's sexual harassment, and you don't have to take it."
LeBron James: "Well you know what? I am a big man. I am gonna take it, and then I am gonna go home and cry."
Whoopi: "LeBron, you fucking pussy."
Tim Allen: "The only pussy around here is yours, Whoopi...GANGBANG!"
Whoopi: "Yes, come on, this is my deep down fantasy fuck me all of you, at once."
HA! Yes yes, true story, point made.
I am proabably not gonna go bald, but if I have to, Sinabd can jizz on my baldness like Madonna. Madonna. I must go.

Dick Tac

Hey, folks, folks...folks. Now round nyea in Booztown there's been a lot of talk about blowjobs and Dale Earnhardt Sr. and Dale Earnhardt Sr. blowjobs and such. But folks, folks...folks...it's time to get serious for a second. I have something I need to get off my chest...and that something is the story of the time I met Charles Barkley.
When I woke up on the morning of September 13th, 2003, the last thing I expected to find in my living room was a totally naked Charles Barkley sitting on my couch hunched over with a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. Ironically, on that day this was the first thing I found in my living room, and it was quite a shock indeed! I said the only thing I could think of:
"Charles Barkley! What are you doing here?" I immediately felt like an idiot for not playing it cool, but Charles didn't even seem to know I was there. I stood around awkwardly for at least 30 seconds before I said, "Um, Charles?" The sexy African-American man before me lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. A single tear rolled down his cheek and in the most mournful, wavering voice I've ever heard, he said to me,
"It...it was s-so...so horrible." Before I had a chance to process this statement, the nude Charles Barkley sucked the cigarette he was smoking into his mouth and swallowed it whole. My puzzlement only grew as he raised his arms to the sky and screamed out "Cool runnings, mon!" before slumping back down into hangdog mode. Naturally curious, I queried,
"What the hell are you talking about, Sir Charles Barkley?" Charles Barkley responded by doing a full-body shiver, and then cracking up and then letting his laughs slowly devolve into sobs...and then he did another he did another full body shiver.
"Y-you want to know? Do you r-really...want to know?" I nodded my head. "Fine," he continued, "I'll tell you what the hell I'm talking about...cra-cra-cracka..........so there I was...chillin in front of the coffee shop, just tracin' out a cool picture with my Rainbow Art DigiDraw. Also, I was watching Terminator 2 on my portable DVD player. And wearing my Jnco jeans and a hemp choker and a trucker hat. Well anyways, I was just sipping my coffee, watching the DVD, and tracing out a cool picture, when all of a sudden this guy on a motocycle comes speeding down the street at 80 miles per hour. I watched with horror as the vehicle slammed directly into a large concrete block sitting in the middle of the street. The motorcyle and its rider exploded into a mess of blood and metal and fiberglass and bones and brains. And muscles. His body splattered all over the place...part of his arm flew towards the sidewalk and knocked over a small child. It was just...awful.....people were crying and throwing up all over each other and and stuff. There was blood and bones and puke and human tears and motorcycle parts and muscles all over the place...it was a big mess."
"Wow..." was all I could think to say, "...that's horrible Charles, I can see why you are so shaken. Charles Barkley, I know you are a big naked manly tough guy, but I think you need a hug." Charles looked into my eyes with a look that said "Can I?" and I looked back with a look that said "Yes...yes you can." Charles Barkley rose from his seat, and slowly shuffled over to me with his arms kinda spread open. I spread my own arms wide an welcomed the traumatized baller into my "sphere of caring and understanding." Charles buried his head in my chest and once again began to sob uncontrollably. "There, there baby. It'll be alright, it'll be allright. Let it out, let it out," I told him in a soft, soothing voice as I patted his back. The poor guy only started to cry harder, practically choking as he gasped for breath between his wails of sorrow. "You poor thing." I whispered as I gently rubbed my hand in a circle on his back. Slowly, ever so slowly, I allowed my hand to creep downward. As I did so, Charles began to regain his compsure, his bawling turning into whimpering, his whimpering turning into quiet sniffles. He became almost totally silent as my index finger began to slide down his asscrack leisurely yet delibarately. He didn't say a word when I made contact with his asshole and began to softly massage it. I must have been doing something right, because he looked up into my face and winked at me. It was then that I realized I had made a horrible mistake...this man wasn't Sir Charles Barkley at all...it was rapper and actor DMX. As I stood there completely frozen with total shock and embarassment, DMX barked out,
"What? C'mon..."

Would you have sex with Michael Jordan?

Yeah, fuck you.

Hey!

Hey jerks

Now now lately there have been a lot of weird criticisms leveled against me...ya know?
Like first of all everybody's been calling me a deadbeat dad. Well, fuck you jerk that's not what you were saying last night.
People also keep giving me crap cause I am pretty tall and it seems like I always seem to bump my head into various objects.
Oh yes I hear them talking...I know everybody thinks I give a shitty backrub. I only have 6 fingers, assholes! Between that and the crap I get for talking really slowly all the time, life can be pretty tough.
I guess it's not so bad really cause also everybody tells me that I look like a drunk Brad Pitt...I don't mind that one so much cause Brad Pitt is a hunk!
Hmmmm today I learned a new dance move, it's called "The Tammy" and how you do it is by shuffling your feet and then with one hand you grab your hair and with the other one you give a thumbs up. And then you yank your hair backwards really hard and do a backflip so it looks like you flipped yourself with a single jerk of the scalp. It's kinda tricky to make it look right, but the ladies love it!
Ooooh I almost forgot about the other hot dance move I learned which is called "The Pushup" and how you do it by getting on the ground and doing pushups to the beat of the music. And even if there isn't music you can still do this, it's good excercize.
Okay guys I have to go, have a prehistoric day!

Hello, suckas

In the year 2069 there exists a robot so robitc and futuristic that is stomps the bones out of all the other robots. This cybertronic being smokes the head out of anybody you've ever met and it shoots yoouuu. Sp,eto,ess. Whatever the hell that means. Get a job, Sr. Borachoblando. Take a siesta. Get a nap. Sometimes it's time to dribble the basketball, and sometimes it's time to shoot it! Slllllllaaaaaaaam dunk!
Alrightm no matter what you think of rapper Eminem, you have to give him "I Just Don't Give a Fuck" and mayyybe perhaps even "I Sill Don't Give a Fuck." Whateva welcome to Crazyworld...go talk to Jesus "The Promise Keeper" Lesbian if that's how you feel. Bullshit pimp trucka Sa-Napppy D.

Warning: The Butterfly Effect Ahead

Ohhhhkay so um yesterday I fuckin totally watched this DVD of a movie that I like to call The Butterly Effect. In case you don't already know, this movie stars human being extraodinaire Ashton Kutcher.
I don't know what to say about The Butterfly Effect. I will start with a brief plot outline. Ashton Kutcher plays a jerk who has strange blackouts throughout his whole life. These inexplicable memory lapses are symbolic of the gaping the plot holes created when Ashton discovers that he can...TRAVEL THROUGH TIME!!!! How exactly does he accomplish this incredbile feat? Well, by reading his diary of course. Yeah, that's about it.
This film does an admirable job of mixing disturbingly serious crazy shit with surreally zany wacky shit. The horribly awkward moments are contrasted nicely by lots of out-of-place silliness! Like the really fat goth guy who has sex a bunch and can't smoke a bong worth shit, or Ashton Kutcher's inexplicably goofy facial expressions. Quite often he is overcome with a slack-jawed look of confusion, and stares off into space.

Oh, hello Ashton! Yes, despite being a dark, weird, psuedo-scientific crazy thriller jerkfest, it's still an Ashton Kutcher movie. The man seems constantly on the edge of reverting back to Kelso-mode, but that's what makes the movie worthwhile.
The best part of The Butterfly Effect, by far, is crazy no-arms Ashton. After a wacky trip into his past, our hero wakes up with....no arms!!! Oooooh, spooky! Now, that's all fine and dandy, but the best part is when Ashton rolls around his college campus with beautiful, distended prosthetic arms. Yo, check this out:

Ha! What a goof.
"Arm: grab: granola bar."

Ohhhh, almost.
Yeah, that's the good stuff.
I have to go.

The search for a unified theory of Matt Jackson

RandomButler: this is a real knock, knock joke that I actually heard the other day
RandomButler: knock, knock
TinyTim509: Who's there?!
RandomButler: Agent Cody Banks 2
TinyTim509: Agent Cody Banks 2 who?
RandomButler: Agent Cody Banks 2 Destination: London

My new favorite person ever

(besides Kanye)
Wackiness ahoy!
RandomButler: :-*
TinyTim509: Who are you, by the way?
RandomButler: fuck you!
TinyTim509: You friggin' IMed me out of nowhere. I was just asking
RandomButler: well fuck you
RandomButler: I love you
TinyTim509: What the hell? Who are you?
RandomButler: i am...
RandomButler: your mom
RandomButler: you don't call me enough
TinyTim509: No, my Mom's at home. You must be mistaken
RandomButler: you must fuck you
TinyTim509: You must really suck because all you're doing is annoying me
RandomButler: have you heard Nelly's "flap your wings"?
TinyTim509: Hip Hop is not my thing at all
TinyTim509: I'd rather commit suidice than listen to that crap
RandomButler: :-(
RandomButler: you can't spell "crap" without "rap"
RandomButler: if you know what I mean
TinyTim509: =-OOh my God! You ingenious comedian!!
RandomButler: that's what they tell me
RandomButler: I am like the roseanne of surfing the web
TinyTim509: They're lying
RandomButler: :-(
RandomButler: you wanna hear a joke I made up?
TinyTim509: You're more like... the Peewee Herman of surfing the web
RandomButler: hmmmmm
RandomButler: I'll give you that one
RandomButler: knock, knock
TinyTim509: Who's there?
RandomButler: tammy's scalp
TinyTim509: I don't want to hear the rest
RandomButler: it got ripped off
RandomButler: that's the punchline
TinyTim509: I really don't care about you r friends' scalps
RandomButler: :-*
RandomButler: sassy sassy
RandomButler: okay i have a new joke which is a real one
RandomButler: and it's not about anybody in particular
TinyTim509: Do you now?
TinyTim509: Uh huh
RandomButler: knock, knock
TinyTim509: Who's there?
RandomButler: green day
TinyTim509: Green Day who?
RandomButler: have you seen my baseball?
RandomButler: get it?
TinyTim509: Have you seen my ass?
http://hometown.aol.com/tinytim509
Hey, if you thought that was good...well...yo, check this out:
RandomButler: it's a neptunes beat
ebkCdub: \more like ineptunes

Hmmmm

There's something weird about that "Oh Boy" song, and I haven't quite figured out what it is yet.

Hey

Here's my impression of an actress named Brittany Murphy:
"Yarrrgh I am Britanny Murphy what time is it? Jesus christ, welcome to fucking Crazytown. Where's my fucking coke? Fucking fuck, I look like shit. And what the hell is Ludacris doing sleeping on my couch?"
Ludacris: "Stand up!"
"Oh shit, you scared the fucking shit outta me."
Ludacris: "Baby...don't do this to me...I...loooooooooove yoooooooooouuuuuuu Brittany Murphy."
"Love this!"
And then she flips out and starts taking swings at him and screeching, you know how it goes.
Okay here's more Brittany Murphy:
"Hahahahaha! You, Jerry Seinfeld, are a weirdo!"
Jerry Seinfeld: "Baby, I am the weirdest guy you have ever met."
"Lol jarry u rock."
Jerry Seinfeld: "What's the deal with the food at Taco Bell."
"Har har. I don't know Jerry, I hear they poop in the beans. Woooooo here's to...being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple woooooo bottoms up wooooooooooooo! Har har har har har."

Ridin spinnarz

Have you heard that new D12 joint with Eminem and he is ummmm like "How come you don't even suck my dick no more, and I don't jizz up in your biz no more. Jump up my butt, nigger." Well I don't know about that. But I bet you would.

A poem

Here is a poem that I wrote about Spiderman and spiders in general:
What's a matta you?
By Bones Maloy
Ooh, baby
Yeah spider webs
All over your face
In your vagina
In your hair, in your clothes
Ballin' outta control
Spiderman said, "Join my band
And I'll bite your mom's boyfriend Larry in the hand."
I was like Spiderman when are you gonna learn I don't play an instrument except for maybe recorder
And Spiderman he was like "Record this." And he let out the most horrible noise I have ever heard
It was like a combination of a scream and a ghost
I woke up wearing a hat made of spiders
I must have gotten fucked up last night
The spiders are waking up
This hat is biting me
Spiderman shoots the hat off my head with a blast of web potion
I cry, I cry
My tears form into a puddle, out of the puddle emerges the twin towers, or a hologram thereof
I punch desperately at the face of the twin towers but it is a hologram
My hands pass through the projection
Was it all a dream?
Spiderman, take me away
Swoop down with your web blaster and take me to New York, NY
Do not trap a helicopter between the twin towers with a spidey-net
The helicopter will only come blasting down to the pavement like so much debris
I jacked off on the wall of hope
I rubbed my semen all over Spiderman's hair
Spiderman 2, in theaters now
The End

A poem, for me

I see the sunrise, sunset
Black, yellow, and blue sma-blowjobs, and some fuckin shiblizbot blue
Get a blowjob, Dick Tracy
Skull bones drama television
No Scrubs
Slap 'em up

Hmmm

If I'm too drunk to walk I'll rock a party on crutches. Nahhhh, crutches are for faggots. I had plan to send Africa a bunch of crutches but then I realized you can't eat a crutch, so I was like, nah, fuck it.
Welcome to crazyworld.
I own over 3 million MP3s and they are all 192kbps every one of them.
What
Yeah, yeah
get your ass up and hurrah
Ice Cube baby
99 baby
I'm on the grind baby
All the time baby
Show me somethin
You can do it put yo' back into it
I can do it put yo' ass into it
You can do it put yo' back into it
I can do it put you ass into it
Put yo' back into it
Put you ass into it
Click click boom blah blah blah
Yeah. Fuck you.
Whateva. Sometimes I shoot people right in the brains just because they have never met me. The blow their wigs..literally.
Sometimes I open the door, get on the floor, and I'll be damned if everybody doesn't walk the dinosaur.
And we ain't playin witch you
Ya'll know the motherfuckin sco, ho
Now, pour it up nigga
Sippin on some sizzurp, bitch, sip, sippin on some sip
Sippin on some sizzurp, sip, spippin on some sip
Sippin on some sizzurp, sip, sippin on some sip
Sippin on some sizzurp, sip, sippin on some sip, (It's pimp C bitch, bitch)
Sippin on some sizzurp, sip, sippin on some sip, (marks up nigga[?\])
Sippin on some sizzurp, sip, sippin on some sip
Sippin on some sizzurp, sip, sippin on some sip
Sippin on some sizzurp, sip,sippin on some sip...

Whateva

Hello my name is Random Butler I know my rap and I got a plan for ya. Punch people in the face at least once a week. The most racist guy since Forrest Gump. I kill black people and asian indiands for not having the same skin color as me. A bunch.
If you anybody would say that Mr. Dre, Dr. is the best, you are right. But what about Snoop Dogg. In a certain situation called the Next Episode by Nate the Great, Snoop, and Dre this shit rocks you ass like Snoop Diggitty Diggy Dog Diggla Fuck You.
I don't think they will ever be abke to build a building taller than the twin towers. WTC R.I.P. At least hollywood Video is still hiring.
I guess my plan to shoot all the lakers with my gun has fizzled out. Shaq moved to Africa, Kobe is in jail in Kobetown, colorado. And gary payton is drunk. I hope shaq gets traded to the Kings, that way he will be able to have petty disputes with Divac ALA "Slavistan Divats". Fuck you, fuck you Dre Tre Cool.
Whahahahhaahha don't you get it?~~ Seriously I do this all day. Shooting famous people. Do you think Ronald Reagan died of alzheimers? lolHa! Seriously, I shot him in the head. Seriously, it was called "Operation Shoot Reagan." Mission acomplished.
The peoples I go meet make me so international, fag
Sometimes it's just time to kick somebody ass. Okay speaking I have a heavy criticism of the Rocky movies. All of them.
Sometimes it's time to take 69 head shots in a row and sometimes you are in a rocky movie, and sometimes these two things overkap and you find yourself in every rocky movie ever made. Seriously. I could probably dish on these movies for a week...but sometimes you gotaa just lay it out. Use some fucking head defense, put your dukes up, fag. What the fucking fuck. It's a good thing you aren't actually getting hit in the head or you would be dead. Sylvester Stalone does a damn good bumbling retard who wins his fights by taking several million straight shots to the head before he wins by punching his opponent in the head. The point is, if one man can defeat communism by being punched in the head a lot, can't we all learn to fight terrorism by shooting a bunch of terrorists? Seriously, I am not even kidding.
Okay I think it's time to review my cat-door idea. What if your cat has to shit really bad but it won't shit anywhere except for its litter-box. And what if you asleep and you can't be awake to open the door for the cat, and you don't have a cat-door, and there isn't a litter-box outdoors, and your cat can't get inside and it just sits out in front of your front door wating to bust inside to shit in its litterbox. Yeah, that's what I though. Cat door.
I could put together a rap mix that would literally destroy your colon.
Ture story:

Hello fags! Well my last post was made under the influence of booze, it was pretty good. I ended up getting pretty drunk, I had about 10 drinks. Most of my post was made from the 1-7 drinks range. I ended up conking out at about 7 O'Clock. BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO GET DRUNK AGAIN AND POST SOME MORE WACKINESS!
So, so people seem to be under the impression that I was the actor who played Robocop. Yeah, right! I was a kid, you fucking idiots.
KDUK's slogan is "Today's best music."........yeah, right! Not! Psyche!!! Fuck you!!!
Yeah I'm a really funny guy. So funny that I was allowed the honor of preforming comedy in front of him and make a bunch of tasteful jokes. My best joke went like this:
Me: "Mr. President, your penis is sooo small."
George W. Bush: "How, small, is it?"
Me: "Your penis is so small that you can't satisfy a woman! Plus you're impotent!"
George W. Bush: "Well sonny boy, lemme tell you something. I'm not impotent, and 'Little Kanye' certainly isn't little. Yo, check this out."
Well I'll be damned if the president didn't bust out a rock-hard 8-incher. I was like "Oh, shit!" and I started cracking up. My amazement only grew as George W. Bush held his hands over his head and did spirit fingers and a couple seconds later a thick stream of ejaculate skeeted right out of his penis. It flew over 20 feet across the room and gooped all over my face and hair. I said the only thing I could think of: "Nice shot, sir." The prez just stood there, his hands still held above his head, still doing spirit fingers, and then he winked at me. True story.
My God, dancehall fucking sucks. Speaking of Kanye West, AKA Jesus, that guy was in a car accident.
Sometimes I get really scared. Just kidding!!
Somebody should um invent doors that cats could open. For cats. So that way, if a cat wanted to open a door, it could just open it. Either that, or people could stop being lazy and just teach their fucking cats to use a fucking doorknobs. Jesus Christ! Blagabagogobooze!
Jay-Z got shot in his last video. I guess not only was it his last video, it was his last video. You can bet if I ever have a music video, it will end with me getting shot in some black and white cinematic faggot fashion. I only have two things to say about Jay-Z...okay three things: The man used to sell crack. The man thinks that it's important to have pictures of himself with other famous rappers sprinkled throughout his liner notes. The man obviously has low self-confidence. The man has been known to date Beyonce Knowles. The man kinda sucks. Big Pimpin. The man is covered in germs. The man is an artist...a sandwich artist, that is.
Speaking of germs and sandwiches...germs are fucking everywhere...even in your sandwich. Yes, the one you are eating right now. Cause I spit on the sun-dried tomatos. Also, that's not chocolate pudding. It's poop. But it's Oprah's poop.
Oh no, I'm losin' em, I'm losin' em. Okay, what I need right now is a wacky pop-culture refference that gets people high. Hey, have you seen that McDonalds commercial where it's the mom kind of rapping about feeding her kids McDonald's food cause she loves them? Yeah, that's pretty silly. Well, if it were up to me, it would be my mom in that commercial, and she would be rapping about being crazy. Cause my mom is crazy. And that's why my mom is different from your mom.
My hair looks like shit! Ha!!! Whoa I don't liiiike thhiiiiiiiiiiis
The human body is 95% water.
A venus fly trap will close its mouth thing only if the same hair in its the mouth thing is stimulated twice, but I can make you come just by looking at you. If you decide to trigger all the mouth thing mechanism of a venus fly trap at once, the plant will die.
Super Mario 64....is fucking genius. If you have not played Super Mario 64 for at least 50 hours you are a fucking loser and you are missing out, faggot homo. I wish I wasn't joking. No wait, I wish you'd suck my dick like it was 1994, Arsenio Hall. Yeah, you know what fuck you.
I think it's time to take a break from comedy and remember all the starving children in Africa. Just kidding, they have plenty o' food.
Keep your friends close, and your vibrator closer, am I right?
Come for the robets, stay for the blowjobs.
Here's a song that I wrote about the reader, who is you, fag:
Through the fire
To the limit to the wall
For the chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
I read some fag story Kanye told about how he was a young Kanye and having trouble producing beats and some wise ol' guy was like "Sonny boy, you gotta sample." and Kanye talked about how it all came together at that point. Well congratulations, Kanye and the Chipmunks is the greatest super-producing team since Dr. Dre and um Andry Griffith. Yeah, well fuck you and your mom.
Oh my god you wouldn't believe it if I told you about the time I met Michael Jordan. He was with the Looney Tunes but I was able to sweep him off to an isolated area, where I had a heart-to-heart convosation with him about his recent (read: a few years ago) divorce. Here's what he told me:
"Man it really killed me inside. It wasn't my decision...my wife, whose name I can't remember, wanted out. I begged her to stay...I offered her lots of money to keep being my wife but it was no good, she left me. So I kicked her ass."
"Michael," I shouted, "you aren't supposed to beat up women. Eeeeeven if you are drunk and she called your mom crazy. At most, you could shove her really hard, but Jesus don't beat her up!" A look of remorse came across Michael Jordan's face. And then a big ghost shaped like a sparkly #23 shot out of his eyeballs and into the wall. And then he started tap-dancing and smiling really big-like. And he was tipping his top hat left and right. And it made me smile. I have to go.

No-Limit Texass Blooooowwwwjob

Hey gimme a break here, fags!!! Whoa nigga what nigga who comin to you live from Blogspot heaven, it's RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MMMMMMMMM BUTTTLER!!!!
Hello, I like to drink booze and at the moment I have just started drinking. I am going to drinka a bunch and write out an entry as I go. When I get drunk, I get really funny. Where's the proof? The proof is in the pudding, and so in my seed. Get ready to have your ass knocked off, faggot. Here I come!!!
I hope Shaq gets traded to the Kings...cause I have invented a cool new name for Sacramento which he will love...Shaqtown.
At the moment I am watching comedy central, the home of comedy. HA! On the TV right now is a movie starring one Mr. Rodney Dangerfield. This guy is basically doing a stand-up routine on camera. He is shooting off one-liners like a madman. I want his bod. Whoa one day I am gonna open up a shop and it's gonna sell clocks and shit. It will be called "Clocks & Shit". HA!
I wish I had a hat. I honestly don't own a hat. Except for my mighty ducks baseball cap but that doesn't count. I want a cowboy hat, with a top hat top. And I want it to be hot pink. No neon green. No black, like a a negro! And on the hat I want a bunch of dyed feathers...I want the feathers to be dyed hot pink and neon green. And I want the hat to be really expensive.
I uh keep seeing ads on comedy central for the sex effect of some guy named "The Ghram Norton Effect". I dunno, looks like a fag to me. I'm a killa!!! I kill a lot of people a lot and nobody knows about it, except for you. Fuck my dick, sag!
Reese Witherspoon is a nut. And I hate her face. Seriously. I would like to punch it cause it creeps me out. Somebody get this woman a blowjob...stat!!!
ohhhkay I totally just took a shower and drank more booze in the shower and lost my motivation to be funny but I will do my best. here comes some riffin':
Usher likes it in the butt
many women can "only get in the mood" while they are drunk
black people like to play basketball...but that's not it...black people like to play basketball wearing air jordans
speaking of shoes do you remember pump-up shoes where you would pump them up which would make your feet more secure in the shoes which would make you jump higher and slam dunk? well I do.
Have you ever had this sierra mist? for a while I thought it was even better than 7-up, but now i see the error of my ways. I mean, SM is good, but it's just too "commercial". I need that underground shit. 7-up! Sprite? Nigga fuck you.
okay okay, I know what ya'all are cravin. Spiderman 2. Well here it comes, suck it:
Hello ladies, I am Spiderman get a job.
Hello my name is Mary Jane Watson! General knowledge get a job!
What? More like....Weed Watson hahahhaaloaooallfhghaeehsafrh! Fuck you! Watch out for that car! Duck!!!
Whoa shit ahhaha what? Oh what oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Whoa shit I am saving you from getting hit in the head with that car oh no there the tire goes right over my head! Good thing we didn't die, that was close.
Not as close as I am to you...right now...too bad you aren't Spiderman, because I love spiderman and some other guy who I am engaged to but not you except I suspect you are spiderman but perhaps you aren't I need to kiss you to be sure.
Tooooooooooooooo late, you can't kiss him because I am Doctor Octopus and I will shoot you with my lasers. Hmmmmmmmm...
What I do not get it.
Well what is there to get. I want you to talk to your friend Spiderman, who is not you, about my drama. You are my go between....do not fail me or I will fuck you girly here.
Oooooh hot damn, he does have those long tentacles hehehhehehehehehehehhehehehhehehehhehehehehehehhehehe you had better watch out Peter Parker or this Octopus Man will fuck me raw and I will get off and I will jizz in Garth Brooks' hair.
I hava to go BRB
whoa hello fags here I come with the cock suck it fags get a blojob I am not peter parker, journalist and student by night and hero by day.
Oh no save me I am being kidnapped by the perverted evil villain Mr. Octopus!!! ahhhhhh
ohhh Well well well in situation like this I love to whip out my firearm and shoot people in the head.
Wh-what?
Whoops, I just shot you with my trusty spider-gun which shot you in your head and destroyed your brains and you are no longer able to fight me because you have no nerve function because you are dead. Let's see you fist that.
Ewww, he's dead but I am still horny. Let me give you a blowjob, Spdierman.
No thanks, I really don't get off on blowjobs anyway, I find them slightly demeaning and much-prefer straight sex.
Ummm okay. Doctor Octupus is shot in the head and now I want yout hot spidey cock in my pussy.
Oh okay, but I warn you, my penis is only 3 1/2 inches when erect.
That's cool, it's all about the motion of the ocean, not the size of your small penis.
Yeah, right! :P
The End of Spiderman 2
Sometimes I'll be around a woman and I'll be like...I lost my train of thought...but it had something to do with blowjob.