An Open Letter to my Penis

Baby....hey just kidding. What's up, jerks? How's it hangin in Youland? Okay, anyway...
Have ya'll seen this MTV show called Newleyweds?...it's like Spiderman...except with Jessica Simpson. Social ettiquite demands that while you watch this television programme you yell "You fucking idiot!" at Jessica, cause she is stupid. Hmmm have you seen this one exchange between Jessica Simpson and her friend where they both struggle to figure out what the meaning of the baseball term "double" is? I guarantee you at least one of the dumb slut bitches knows exactly what a double is. Supposedly a lot of women think it makes them more attractive to act all ditzy and what...well it worked for Jessica Simpson; I want to have sex with her. Zing!
Speaking of Jessica Simpson, have you seen the television programme about her younger sister Ashlee Simpson? It chronicles her first melodical release. Ashlee Simpson is a fucking nigger and the music is horrible. Okay, okay, sorry I just needed to get that out there. Thanks for sitting through my cutting edge commentary on the Simpson family.
Okay here's Spiderman and a drunk guy!
Drunk guy: "Hey....spiiiiderman! haha!"
Spiderman: "Yeah, it's me...fuck you!"
Drunk guy: "Spiderman! Hey, hey...show me the web blast."
Leonardo DiCaprio: "Hey, Spiderman...show him the web blast!"
Spiderman: "Nah, nah, not thanks...I uh, ya know, I don't really to like be a dick about it...you know, the web blasting thing."
Drunk guy: "Yo...hey dude, fuck you start blasting some webs...Spiderman."
Off-duty homosexual police officer: "Spiderman, why won't you blast the webs, hambre?"
Spiderman: "Allright...guys I have to get going, have a nice night all of you."
Drunk guy: "Oh, right on, I guess he's gotta get going. Cause he's a pussy."
Spiderman (turning around): "Um...say...what?"
Very pregnant woman: "Hey, I think you heard him, pussy."
Spideman: "Spiderman."
Spiderman then kicks the pregnant woman in the stomach really hard. Spiderman is really strong and her baby dies and nature takes its course and she gives birth to a wacky stillborn fetus and when the fetus comes out it has a big dead smile on its face. And it's also wearing a cowboy hat and it's holding a lasso but it's dead so it can't do any rope tricks. Ha!
Okay here is a new true dialogue story:
Reggie Miller: "Hey guys what's up?"
Michael Jordan: "Nothing much just smoking cigars and eating Pringles."
Vivica A. Fox: "Hey...ya we are just smoking those good cubans and eating lots of Pringles chips!"
Reggie Miller: "One of these days..."
Okay the end gotta go fuck yourself!