Hey jerks

Now now lately there have been a lot of weird criticisms leveled against me...ya know?
Like first of all everybody's been calling me a deadbeat dad. Well, fuck you jerk that's not what you were saying last night.
People also keep giving me crap cause I am pretty tall and it seems like I always seem to bump my head into various objects.
Oh yes I hear them talking...I know everybody thinks I give a shitty backrub. I only have 6 fingers, assholes! Between that and the crap I get for talking really slowly all the time, life can be pretty tough.
I guess it's not so bad really cause also everybody tells me that I look like a drunk Brad Pitt...I don't mind that one so much cause Brad Pitt is a hunk!
Hmmmm today I learned a new dance move, it's called "The Tammy" and how you do it is by shuffling your feet and then with one hand you grab your hair and with the other one you give a thumbs up. And then you yank your hair backwards really hard and do a backflip so it looks like you flipped yourself with a single jerk of the scalp. It's kinda tricky to make it look right, but the ladies love it!
Ooooh I almost forgot about the other hot dance move I learned which is called "The Pushup" and how you do it by getting on the ground and doing pushups to the beat of the music. And even if there isn't music you can still do this, it's good excercize.
Okay guys I have to go, have a prehistoric day!