So cool

Terri Schiavo Mania

Okay folks with all of the hubub about brain-damaged Florida woman Terry Schiavo, I think it's time for me to weigh in with MY opinion. Now folks, I'm no scientist, that's for sure, but I can tell you that I have seen videos of Ms. Schiavo on the news and, c'mon, it's pretty clear that she is definetly conscious and aware of her surroundings!! Therefore, I can only conclude that depriving her of her God-given right to a feeding tube is nothing short of first-degree murder. Would you take away a baby's Gerber's? A sea-lion's cave? I think not. Therefore, I ask you, can you truly look into this woman's eyes and tell her "We're not going to re-insert your feeding tube, you fucking bitch."

Well, can you?

H-hey what

Alright I have one piece of advice for prospective mother out there: mammas don't let your babies grow up to be emo faggots. Seriously, they claim they're alone and they're always big homos so there ya go hun. Seriously okay here's one big reason why "emo sucks": because it's one of those subcultures that's developed in the short time that the internet has been around and therefore it's mostly just a bunch of whiney internet fags. Here's my breakdown of what emo faggots sounds like: "True, I'm a relatively privelaged middle class white kid, BUT I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO WAH WAH WAH FUCK YOU EMO!" For more helpful advice on me talking shit about emo faggots please see my blogspot entry called "Top 10 Complaints of an Emo Fag". It's in there somewhere.
So you wanna know my opinion on the Michael Jackson thing? Yeah, I think he molested those kids. Here's why: I know for a fact that Michael Jackson is a liar. Okay so I can't really cite any specific examples, I don't know the guy, but seriously he lies all the fucking time you can tell! What a big crazy asshole. I guess Michael Jack is really an anti-hero for black people seriously. He is an example for everyone in the black community for how to not age gracefully. He's a big crazy jerk, fuck him. Seriously oh well whatcha gonna do?
Okay folks let's face the facts: I have the best goddamned taste in music of anyone I know. Other people I know listen to maybe 5, 6 good songs tops! I listen to DOZENS. Uhhh so uh fuck you!

Hey fuck you woooo!

Well last night I was feelin pretty sassy like I had two bottles of wine so oh yeah!!! Well I didn't even start drinkin until like some 8:30 shit and at about 9 I went over to my friend Megan's house! Now stick around because this story gets pretty good this is great. Now I went over there, chilled out for a bit, probably took a few shots or something crazy like that. Okay so before I went over to Megan's I'd downed about 3/4 of a bottle of white wine, real quick like, and when I came back here I was like "Auggggh fuck it I'll just drink the other bottle of wine I have plus the little bit in the other bottle!" which, let me tell you folks, was a bad idea! If I could turn back time I would be like "Nooooooo!" in a really slowed down voice and shoot back to last night and be like "Hey, buddy! Stop that! Save it for marriage!" Which obviously I didn't aaaaanyway! Well I feel pretty sassy today like not wacked enough to be hungover but not black enough to rap. So anyways fuck you and fuck president bush woooo!

booztown.blogspot.org

A funny picture

Wowowowowowow

Steady killin' um

What yeah what's up homies? This one's called "Pirates of the Carob Bean"

Blunts: big. Troops: supported. Flic: 100%

Okay folks I have a confession to make...I'm really great at sex. I can seriously make a women blow her load just by having her stare at my cock. This actually ends up being kind of awkward because these ladies I got just sit there staring at my cock while occasionally begging to suck it, but I'm just like, "Haha no." so they just keep staring at my cock and they try to play with their clits but I always say "Hey! Stop that...just stare at it." and they don't understand what's going on but then like 10 seconds later they have a huge orgasm and fall over on their sides and start spasming and they're like "Oh my god!" and then I crack up and blow my load all over them while they're on the ground. When I come I shoot out a thick stream of ejaculate for about 30 seconds straight and I'm always laughing my ass off the whole time.
Another thing about me and sex: I never use condoms. Whenever I'm at the club, there's always tons drunk chucks grabbing my shit, so then I get really turned on and take the hottest chick in the club back to my quad (or "the love shack" as I call it) and then I fuck the hell out of her without a condom. Sometimes I'm on top of a club bitch, about to penetrate her, and she's like, "You need to use a condom." and I'm like, "Haha, whatever." and then I throw my hips way up into the air as I prepare for a massive and extremely well-aimed thrust but she's like, "No, you don't understand, you need to use a condom." and then I'm like "Haha, whatever." and then I start fucking the shit out of her and pretty soon she's loving it. Now, at this point some of you might be asking yourself, "What the heck? What if one of those crazy club bitches gets pregnant? Isn't this a serious concern?" Hahahaha! <--- Does this look like the typed-out laughter of a man who has to be worried about getting a gal pregnant? No, it doesn't. You see, when I take a woman back to the love shack, I always make sure to fuck her so hard that her reproductive organs become incapable of functioning correctly. Of course, this leads to massive physical and psychological trauma, but what do I care? It's not like I'm ever gonna see these chicks again.
Now, at this point, some of you might be asking yourself, "How the fuck did this fuck get so fucking good at fucking?" Well, the same way I got to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice. At this point, I've had sex with over 500 different women and they were all super hot. Here are some famous women who I've had sex with and a brief description of my encounters with them:
Britney Spears - Average lay. I fucked her on a roller coaster.
Colleen Nelson - Ragged pussy. Went deep throat on Lil' Gary and got makeup all over my crotch.
Rick Dancer - While technically not a woman, I can tell you that for one magical autumn night he was definetly my bitch.
Kirstie Alley - Insisted I fuck her anally. Her ass was smeared with crap, so I blindfolded her and then slammed her hole with a gigantic crayon-shaped piggy bank. She never found out.
Tori Amos - Huge labia.
Oprah - Ooh lah lah! Oh, Oprah, you'll always be my chocolate caramel sweet treat slut. The closest I'll ever come to true love!
Kitty Piercy - Funny enough, she actually has a pierced clit. No, not the hood...the clit.
Mia Hamm - The best 90-minute blowjob I've ever gotten.
Alicia Keys - Fucked her on top of a Casio keyboard. Ragged pussy.
Chaka Khan - I told her something good: "Suck my fucking dick, bitch."
Gwen Stefani - Weird. I fucked her backstage at The Source Awards, and due to an extremely rare birth defect her vagina and anus are actually one and the same. While I was fucking her, a big turd forced my dick out and I'll be damned if it didn't just stick there, hanging off the end of my large penis like a windsock hanging off of a pole at the airport. I tried bouncing around to get it off, but man, the turd sure was stuck on there. Gwen shot me a sly smile and said, "Here, let me get that for you." She proceeded to eat that sucker in 3 bites, turning her mouth region into a big shitty mess. Then she drew a big brown frowny face on my stomach with her tongue.
Cindy Crawford - Her crotch is littered with dozens upon dozens of huge, disgusting moles. Still, her vag is so tight that it could squeeze lemonade out of an astronaut's corpse.
Kelly Osbourne - Stupid hair.
Wow, that's a lot of crazy famous bitches! Now, you might have noticed that none of these encounters included any reference to my performing oral sex. This is because I absolutely refuse to put my mouth on any chick's pussy. That's just gross. Trust me, though, they don't give a shit once I start fucking them without a condom. And maaaan, when I drop it down into a bitch's ass, she wants to scream and shout with pure sexual satisfaction but she can't because my dick is so long that it somehow ends up snaking all the way through the gal's digestive system and comes out of her mouth. Yes, it looks really funny.
My most unique sexual "move" is one I like to call "The Sac(k)-town Smear". It starts with me wiping my dick all across a chick's face, covering it with my ample supply of pre-cum. When I do this, I'm probably getting dead skin cells all over my cock, but I try not to think about that. Anyway, after that I take my nuts, spread them apart, and start pressing each one really hard into the chick's eyeballs until one of us can't take it anymore. One time I actually pressed so hard that this gal's left eyeball popped out, and before I knew what happened my right nut was actually lodged inside of her eye socket! We both had a good laugh about that one.
Well, I have to think that I've provided plenty of anecdotal evidence of my sexual prowess, but before I go, I'd like to finish with a quick story about this time I was fucking some chick from the club. Yeah so we were "doing it" and everything was going fine, nothing out of the ordinairy. As usual, I was fucking up her insides real bad and she was saying lots of filthy shit and calling me "Grandpa Joe" under her breath. Then, without warning, she started going into convulsions and throwing up all over my leopard-print sheets. "Hey, you're fucking up my sheets, bitch!" I shouted, not realizing that she was having a massive seizure. As I became aware that something was seriously wrong, I quickly finished up and then took her to the emergency room on my Segway scooter. When we got there, a bunch of hospital attendants threw her on a stretcher and whisked her away to parts unknown. After a couple of hours of my nervously sitting in the waiting room, some doctor guy came out with a clipboard and walked over to me. "Hello, Mr. Zon, I'm Dr. O'Neal. How are you doing?" I stood up to shake his hand and replied, "I gotta tell ya, doc, I've been better." The doctor was like, "Ya fo sho. Well, I've got some good news and some bad news...which would you like to hear first?" Thinking for a second, I then said, "Gimme the bad news first, Doc...I can take it." A very solemn look came over Dr. O'Neal's face. "There's really no easy way to say this: your girlfriend has had a seizure, and is now in a coma. She's probably suffered significant brain damage, although it's really too early to tell. Right now we're just doing everything we can for her," he told me, looking straight into my eyes. "Actually," I began, trying my hardest to hold back a fit of giggles, "She's not my girlfriend, just some sexy bitch who grabbed my shit at the club. But still, that sucks...so, what's the good news?" I asked. Once again, that same solemn look returned to the doctor's face. "Well, there's no easy way to say this: you're really great at sex."

What

A couple of new pics...this one is okay, it's called "Ace Money"



This one is better, it's called "Long Haired Guys Get All the Pussy"

March Madness

Hey hey everybody, it's March Madness time again! This special time whch only comes once a year is the ultimate college basketball square-off and in fact you might even say that it's the "world series" of college basketball! Are you excited? A lot of people are, including my cousin Jaime from Michigan.
I was surfing the internet and I happened to see my cousin Jaime's way message which was this: "NCAA MARCH MADNESS!! WOOOO!!!" Okay it didn't actually say woo I was just playing around there folks.
Anyway my cousin has the right attitude, and I want to talk about that but first I would like to explain some general basketball rules to any of the ladies out there who don't know how to play. Basically, two teams of 5 guys face each other on the basketball court and they try to score points. Players score points by shooting the ball into a "basket". They earn two points for shots made close to the hoop (including slam dunks) . If they are outside of the "3-point arc" and they shoot and make it then they get 3 points, otherwise known as a 3-pointer! If a player breaks one of the tough but fair rules of safety on the court, they get what is known as a "foul". Fouls are generally bad but can be used strategicaly. If you get six fouls then you are out of the game, buddy. Sometimes if a player commits a foul, the "foulee" gets to take one or two shots from the foul line. I don't have time to explain the foul line, so read a basketball book or just watch a game if you really need to figure out. Whether a fouled played takes one shot or two is totally random and arbitrary. Sometimes (approximately 1/30 times) the person shooting foul shots shoots 3 of them. So after all this, if you are asking yourself, "How does the basketball game end?" the answer is that the first team to 100 total points wins! The longest professional basketball game ever laster 4 hours and 47 minutes because all the players were really old and they couldn't score 100 points!! Hey of course I'm just kidding here folks.
Okay so now that you basically understand basketball, you can see how it makes for a pretty entertaining sport to follow on a college level. So, while you might not generally agree with my cousin Jaime's points of view on March Madness, you have to respect him for really liking something!
Now, that said, here's why March Madness is kinda gay: no Ducks. That's right the fact is that the Oregon men's team sucks a bunch and they didn't even get into the NIT I think which means they are pretty bad. Even if they are in the NIT I doubt the team's ability to take home the win there..."Go Ducks?" would be the main headline title of the Register Guard the day after the NCAA draft if I were in charge over there. What the fuck?
Well happy Saint Patricks Day everybody! Tonight I had my first Guiness which is bizarre if you think about it considering I'm like 95%+ IRISH! I shit you not. Well it kinda sucked but I think I was supposed to maybe shake it up first cause it was Guiness draught in a can and when I was done there was something at the bottom of the can and it seemed kinda like the ball in a spray paint can ya know? Although I guess maybe you wouldn't want to shake up a beer even if it does have some metal thing inside of it, right? Oh well I don't know what was up with that!
If there's one thing I've learned it's that you really shouldn't correct people in conversation unless it's for their distinct and immediate benefit. Correcting people, even in an offhand manner often leads to awkward conversational moments as there is no real way to move on from somebody correcting you except to thank them and try to put your life back together piece by piece. Really the only people I know who still actively correct people just because they can are smartass assholes and faggots. If you are having a nice conversation with your friends and somebody says something that is imprecise or false and you correct them then the odds are there is somebody else there who could have corrected them even better than you but they didn't because they're humble and respectful and now they know you're an asshole. Which of these people would you rather hang out with? I can telllll you right now that I would rather hang out with that first smart person because that's me and I've never hung out with anybody quite like me and it would probably be really great because we would both really cool but also hella chill!
I think it's a good time to talk about my new favorite TV show: Wheel of Fortune! Wheel of Fortune isn't just flashy lights and big money, it's also got heart and soul that, and I hate to say it but I have to, only in America! Pat Sajak is genuinely charming and Vanna White is still a babe at 50! I'm just kidding she's probably more like 55 but man she sure knows how to light up those letters! Hey, Vanna, I've got a puzzle for you, gimme 3 consonants and a vowel...;-O
Okay folks well finally, here's another wild and crazy pic straight from the heart of Booztown...this one's called "More Jerk for the Work"

Facefest

Hay what's up my niggas? Well here for you to today I've got a few crazy things! These ones don't really need names, so don't expect me to be handin' em out! Okay? Well...enjoy!

Hoopty

Gravedigga...nigga

Okay folks what's up? Nothing too special today, just a couple of jerk shots to make you angry and nostalgiac. Here ya go:

"Have You Ever Had That Weak Feeling?"


"Reuptake Jake"


"Britney and Madonna: Secret Lesbians"

Crazy 8's

Hey, got a couple more crazy pics to give you headaches and make you shit your pants...this one is called "At This Point I'd Like to Hand Things Over to My Good Friend David Robinson"

Hot shit

Yo yo yo, this one is called "Priapism"

Ghost toast

This one is called "Blob Marley"

What

This one is called "The Ultrajerk Blacklight Orchestra"

Hello ladies, and ladies only

Hey, hey! Got a cool pic for all those sexy ladies out there...this one's called "Fag Che", and I think it really reflects how I'm feeling right now.

Yeah what

I'm going to call this one "The Great Hotlanta Penis Jamma Sheisty Bast Joe Greek Mythology Blowjob Caper"...and there's nothing you can do about it.

Fuck that bitch

This one is called "C'mon Ride the Train"

For those who thought we couldn't do it

This one is called "The Asshole Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree":