Hello fellow human beings?!

What's up this is my first update in a few days! How has everybody been?? I don't really have anything funny to say...but I will think of something right now on the spot...hmmm URINE BANANA SNUFFLEUPAGUS I SAW THE SIGN! See, that was pretty wacky huh?! ::::------;;;;;;;DDDD
Well if you want to know about my life I haven't slept in a long time and I am about to go to bed! Today I got ripped off cause I didn't get to see Farenheit 9/11 for the second time!! It turns out Michael Moore came to town and ate all the movie tickets as food and....he ate them all!!! I already read at least 3 or 4 different articles attacking the facts in this film and it seems that once again Michael Moore is very fat. Regardless, the film purportedly makes the valid point that George Bush sucks a bunch! I am still surprised that people would have any other opinion. I don't think the man is an idiot, I think he is just in way over his head. As a single person he is not that bad, but I detest what he stands for and think he is very, very wrong for the postition of most powerful man in the world. Republicans like money and power and war. The vast majority of them are mentally disturbed homosexuals with small penises.
Did anybody like my drunken Alicia Keys entry?? No, it was not actually the woman herself but rather yours truly who pounded that out!! I was completely sober at the time but I think I did a bang-up job of allowing myself to become, if only for a few brief moments, an extremely intoxicated piano songstress extraordinaire.
I also really liked my Spiderman 2 entry, as you could judge by the comment I posted in that entry as myself. I have been talking about Spiderman 2 a lot and trying to get people excited by saying things like "It's twice the Spdierman for half the money!" and such...but nobody seems really all that hyped up about this movie!!! I am thinking right now this movie can't not be good, if you catch my poorly worded drift. I mean...have you seen the previews? Have you seen the fucking previws? All signs point to...this one is gonna rock!!!
I have been experimenting a bunch with music stuff in the past 24 hours or so and have coming up with some very very promising stuff. I am trying to make music that is very very new and fresh and on the cutting edge and innovative and grounbreaking all at the same time!! Meanwhile, I like to integrate as many influences as I can like jazz and funk and reggae and electronica and African drums and such!! I am getting excited about what I can create on my computer, and I hope to spend a lot more time flexing my crazy music muscles.
Meanwhile, I should probably get in shape so I will hopefully start doing that too, but that's a lot of work and I need some motivation. Maybe I should just get a job!!
I want some sex! I mean, not really but of course it's something to keep an eye out for! Sex! I think the phrases "have sex" or "having sex" are fairly powerful and when you say them, it kind of just gives people a tap on the head and they go "yes hmm..." for a second. So perhaps I should have phrased my opening line as such "I want to have sex." but it just doesn't have the lighthearted tone I was going for!
There are a shitload of really poor people around the world!! Right now I am almost flat broke but in a very real sense I still have "more" than 80% of the other people who aren't me.
When I really break it down....I think with the lifestyle I was born into, I feel that I am easily more advantaged than 99% of the population of the world...and I honestly feel it could be even more extreme than that. I don't feel like my life is perfect, but I feel pretty damn comfortable as a sassy 19-year-old white male living in Eugene, Oregon! I wouldn't have it any other way! If I am able to continue to exert my influence on the world and maybe get a lot more motivation, I see good things for me in the future.
The future is an uncertain place! I'm sure that at least once a day I consider the possibility that I could be annihilated by a nuclear weapon at practically any moment! I am worried that it will happen while I am still young and I will just die and not get to discover my full potential but I have to have faith that I was not put on this earth to be blown up right when things are getting interesting! I really do think that this is the craziest world ever and I think it's only gonna get crazier, compadres! So with that in mind...keep it real, and everyone enjoy that good good sex!

what

Free...as a bird

u know what i like?

drama. any form, any face. Fuck you and your drama, lemme in on that. I like the face punches in bunches. I like pissing people off. I like making people think I am fundamentally racist. I like punching people right in the face no bones about it. Sometimes, I, I am like, at a party, and I get all like, "Where's the the skulls?" cause I am just like hella all about fightin' an mmmm gettin jiggy with it? Nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah nahm gettin' jiggy with it. The point is...where there's a skull, there's a face, and where there's a face, there's some faggot. MMMMMmmmmmmmmhmmmm. whateva

ya know................what?

you trash talkin i will kick your ass....here is my booze and here is your face and here is my drama.....oh, drama mmmmmmmmmm i love the drama get it...suck my Dr. Bob fag and get a life Mr. Drama lol Tammy
Yarnall lol what? i have the need for booze, and shoes fuck nigs what i like the Tammy draaaama ::::-------=;;;;;DDDDDD

Drtunk Alcia keys

hello!`! thhis si me nad Ii am slicia keys nad here am! well what ma i suposed to say heere lol1 wle i guess i I will twll yo a j oke i ehard aboutyour moms here its; yo;ur mom si sofat sh she sat in a tabel Anddidn]t notiec that it wasnt a couhc a nd she broek the tabla!!/oh sht wasthat a gost////!!1222 ohshti no maybe
he


hey i am gonan gotry to ply pianoand se if i can Playit no igueses not whops
havr yo hearof me? what haevyou he;arad.>/ ihaev a thoutg h; tje huamanbody is maed of xcell s a anand
i I am on a lw crabdiet w i thinnk the fanof m y msuic are aunusaly hip
mt favorte sog i wrpte isa wmans
h
hye whta do you Doyou0 k likevidso gam?es'/ i ulke on ym ttor bus toply nBA
i haev a pirercde clkt hod ibeyt yoiu ddin;ot know t that llo ima go ing to pplay pano gainnvrminda

This is a sexy pic...

Spiderman 2 Mania!

You can't tell me you're not excited about Spiderman 2. This one is gonna rock!

Who knows what magnificent cinematic wonders are in store for us? Spiderman 2 is well on course to be a motion picture spectacle unmatched in its artistic achievement. If you aren't excited about this movie, are you drunk?
Studly mega-hunk Tobey Maguire returns as the sassy Peter Parker (AKA Spiderman 2) but this time around he isn't just the same carefree crime-fighter we came to love in Spiderman 1...no, from what I've seen in the previews it seems our hero begins to show a darker side...a side full of drama and angst and conflicted feelings! Young adults everywhere are sure to identify with Spiderman as they recall their own struggles with general dissatisfaction.
But of course Spiderman won't have time to just sit around and mope when he gets a car thrown at him by evil supervillain Mr. Octopus, so-named for his voracious sexual appetite. Expect lots of insane action as these two "freaks" go head to head for the love of Kirsten Dunst! It's gonna be a wild ride, so hold onto your seats or you might fly right out of them...literally!
Yes, so I reckon Spiderman 2 is looking quite fancitexcellent indeed! There might even be another song by Nickelback...SEE IT!

ow, my eyeball i'm gonna cry

Story time

Okay okay so one day I was walkin down the street and I was totally drunk, hella sippin off my flask and punching anything in sight. I guess I'm just a mean drunk.
Well by this point you are surely asking yourself "What's the point of this story?" well fuck you I'm gettin there. The point IS well you see as I walking down the street I ran into this guy I know...Jim, Dave, something like that. I am not good with names...the point his he was like,
"Hey, you wana buy my Pokemon cards?" and I was like...
"Nigga...I GOT THE WHOLE SET! You might even say...that...I've caught 'em all!" and then oh man this guy got a look on his face like whoa and I was like okay it's subject change time and then I was like, "Ya know, if you ask me, it's all about the tip drillin, is anybody with me?!!" and this fag, was like,
"Is anybody with you?? What the hell are you talking about, you and me are the only two people here on this street which you were walking down..." and I was like,
"Oh reeeeeeeeeally? You might want to take a look behind you....faaaag..." and oh my I imagine this fellow recieved the shock of his life when he flipped around only to find himself staring straight into a big purple number 34 cause guess who!?! Shaq! Yes, that's right Shaq was standing right behind Dr. Jerkenstein totally decked out in full Laker regalia and man I'll be damned if Shaq didn't just start punching the hell out of this guy!!! As the punches to the face went flying I just laughed and laughed and laffed. I was cracking up and cracking the hell outta my bones and I did so. I laughed so hard that I flopped on the concrete and chipped one of my vertebra and of course i was too drunk to notice but no bone fragments pierced my spinal cord so I was a-ok!!!
After Shaq had literally killed Pokeman with less than a minute of furious beating, I slapped him on the back and gave him a high five and we laughed a bunch and I was like,
"Hey Shaq you deserve a drink outta my special flask!" and I whipped out my fancy flasky flask with the alligator skin on it and the Playboy logo emblazoned into it and I said "Drink up, fag." and he chugged down the flask booze and a few moments later he was like,
"Whoa I'm a big Shaq but even these few shots worth of booze I have just drinken have me feelin super fucked!" and I just giggled and replied,
"Oh, Shaq! Little did you realize when you drank that booze that it was laced with the date rape drug which gets you all passed out!" and oh poor Shaq he was like,
"Whaaaaoooeoooooowhhheeeeeooooooouuuurrrghhbllewwwwwwwuuurrrrrr" and I'll be damned if his eyes didn't roll back into his head and his whole body crumpled into a heap of chocolate. No, literally, he melted into a puddle of milk chocolate. I don't try to explain these things, they just happen.
Well I was feeling kinda sad cause I was all drunk offa the non-laced booze and I didn't have anything to do except listen to my Usher tape and I was just getting my walkman ready to recieve his sweet crooning when who did I see walking down the street but Kanye West and Britney Spears!!! They walked up to me and in unison they said,
"Hey Randy B.! What's the scoop!? Why is there some dead guy laying in a puddle of melted chocolate with Pokemon cards stuffed into his mouth?" and I was like,"
"Oh, it's a long story!" and Kanye, always the perfect gentleman was like,
"Yeah, it's all good. I know weird things just seem to happen around you, I'll allow you your privacy," and there was kind of an awkward silence which was punctuated by the impossibly beautiful voice of Ms. Spears singing,
"Well, Randy, I was just telling Kanye...I want you to piss in my hair."
"What!?" I exlaimed, "You want me to urinate in those beautiful blonde locks?" and she was like,
"Yes, please Randy, I beg of you...piss in my hair!" and I was like,
"Well, that's definetly not my thing...but for you Britney, anything!" and I proceded to whip out Mr. Penis as I call him I pissed all over Britney's head, and she was like,
"Oh yeah, that's right, cover my perfect hair in your fantastic man-piss!!" and I was thinkin to myself like damn this girl is fucked up, but whatever, I mean, it's Britney. And well, long story short me and Britney ended up kicking it for like the next week and she didn't wash her hair the whole time. Her hair started to smell like rotting piss really bad and her extensions were falling out like crazy and at one point she was like, "Randy...take me now!" and me not wanting to make hot love to pissy-hair Britney cause she stank I was like oh man I have got to find something major to divert focus from this awkward situation!
Well apparently Jesus the God was watching over me that day cause what did I happen to see flying through sky besides a biplane! But this was no ordinairy biplane cause being pulled behind this plane was a fancy banner which read "SEE WILL SMITH'S I, ROBOT STARTING JULY 16TH WWW.IROBOTMOVIE.COM" and I was like thank heavens I am saved and I yelled,
"Hey Britney, look at that!" and Britney turned around and she was like,
"Ooh, I really want to see tha-" but she didn't have time to finish her sentence cause I shot her in the back of her head and her face and my piss in her hair splattered all over Moby who was there for some reason and he started laughing and laughing and oh my god he wouldn't stop! I guess it was just one of those "you had to be there" moments. And then Rick Fox and Usher and Ludacris and a bunch of other black people showed up and we threw a crazy party but that, my friends, is a story for another blogspot post!
I must go...don't be sad...

Here is a self-portrait picture that I painted of myself (Gary Zon)

say what

here's a goofy pic of eddie from family matters with "the end" on it in fancy writing!!

I just watched Tom Hanks get his interview on with Conan and he kinda creeps me out!

10 seconds in the life of Ben Stiller

Mel Gibson: "Hey let's go back to my place and watch Life as a House on VHS!"
Ben Stiller: "Life as a House? More like Life as a Shit!"

Penis Williams

lol

lol

Yo what's up, this is Sway

"Here ladies here's some drinks."
"Oh we didn't order any drinks..."
"Oh no, these are from Frankenstein."
*wink from Frankenstein*
"Maybe...I don't know, should we fuck Frankenstein?"
"Well...he does have a fat cock."
"Yeah, that's true. I guess it all depends on whether or not he is wearing AXE Body Spray...also, does he have spinnars??? Inquiring minds want to know."
"HEY Frankenstein, you ridin' spinnars?!?"
*wink from Frankenstein*
"Okay, let's face it: it's time to fuck Frankenstein, let's drink these drinks and get drunk and fuck him. After all it wouldn't make sense for us ladies to have sex when we aren't drunk, how the hell would we enjoy it?"
"Good point okay glug glug glug yummy okay I'm ready to fuck, let's fuck Frankenstein."
The End

Get a room, you two!

"I am a 17-year-old female in a wheelchair." -Ludacris

Rest in Beast

Verbal breakdancing

Whoa alright first I am just kind of hot stepping and catching the beat whoa shit now I am pulling down into a full on crazy legs and oh man it looks cool! Okay now I am doing a handstand and trasitioning into a full on headspin and oh shit here I go!! Okay oh shit now I'm doin' the worm, I'm doin' the worm, somebody stop me! Okay now I'm on my feet again and I'm just clapping my hand but oh shit backflip!!! Then I start doing the worm some more and flip it into a full-on dirty mexican. Okay then I start bouncing around allowing only my elbows to touch the ground for several seconds and then I break into a new move which has never before been seen in public called the hammertime and everybody who is wacthing me starts going nuts as I start dancing so crazily that my carboard mat catches on fire and I do another headspin and then more of the worm and then I totally fuck up and lose my groove and the crowd lets out a moan of disappointment and walks away as I try furiously to get my groove back but alas it was not to be and I decide to hang up the breakdancing mat forever. For the rest of my life I will always have a vague feeling of discontentment when I think of the time I fucked up that breakdance.

You can do it putcho back into it

I've never seen a slobbier bunch of jerks in my life!! You call yourself the L.A. lakers? More like the L.a. fakers.
Rick Fox: "Back off faggot if I wanted to have somebody put their finger up my butt I would go talk to judge Judge Judy."
Shaq: "You know what they say....what happens on the Real World stays on the Real World!"
Shut up jerks, all of you! Now listen, when we go out there tonight I wanna have my ass blown out of proportion! I wanna see slamming, I wanna see jamming. I wanna see steals, steals, steals, steals, steals, steals, steals!
Kobe: "Yes, massa. I sho nuff do love do love to play basketball."
Hey, fuck that Kobe get your act together, and leave those white women alone. Where da white women at? ON THE COURT IN THE BASKET WHICH YOU NEED TO BE MAKING BASKETS, IN.
Gary Payton: "Uh, coach I am kinda drunk I don't think I should be playing tonight."
Shaq: "Hahaha."
What? Gary I am very disappointed in you.
Tupac's Ghost: "Ooooooooh spoooooky! Jay-Z and Toni Braxton had a dispute over who decided to sample my song first....what a bunch of faaaaaaaggoooooooooots ooooooooh spooooooky!"
Get outta here, ghostie, we need to be focusing on winning not on family values.
Stanislav Medvedenko: "Coach I am ready and willing to give it my all! I am hyped and I can't wait to get out there and whoop some piston asshole!"
Horace Grant: "Shutup, white boy!"
Shaq: "Hahahhaha-ha!"
Ha, to be fair, he does have point, zip it you foreign fuck.
Sammy Sosa: "Aaaaaachoo! Oh shit, I think I just sprained my back."
Rick Fox: "What? That's impossible, stop making shit up you lying cheater loser. Go suck off that cool guy Mr. Mark Mcguire."
All of you shut I'm the boss applesauce.
Rick Fox: "Pimp juice....oooooooh."

slamma jam

ooooh prettttty

awesome!

haaaaaa

Awesome.

cooooool

go ducks

oh nos

hello

I love Jesus

what

the picture says it all

PUNCH!

i am faggot

Don't go there!

How's it goin', Frank?

will you be my girlfriend?

Nice face....not!

It's your time to shine

Stop...

...hammertime.

arrrgh my eyes

teehee

I don't get it

gangsta, gangsta

true dat, homebrew

yarrrrrrrgh

lol

incrdible!

plane

Incredible!

here's a buncha jokes I am trying to memorize so I can be funny forever:

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

What kind of tree do computers come from?
A factory. :)

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman

Why can't hellen keller have any babies?
Because she's dead

A hunter is in the forest hunting. He gets a duck in his sights and he's just about to shoot it. Suddenly the duck turns to him with teary eyes and says "Please don't kill me."
The hunter lowers his gun and says to the duck, "I'm a hunter, you are a duck. I have to kill you because that is what I'm supposed to do. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you!"
So the duck looks at him and his eyes are still shimmering with tears and says, "because i LOVE YOU!"

What's blue and fucks old ladies?
Me in my lucky blue overcoat

What do you call Postman Pat when he's retired?
Pat.

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they are ugly and they stink!

What's big and grey and sits in the middle of a corn field?
A filing cabinet.

Why did the scare-crow get the job?
Because he was outstanding in his field

What did the mexican say after the housing project collapsed on him?
Get off me, homes.

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Hensons's funeral?
Nothing.

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?
Roberto

After 5 hours of intense labor a woman finally has her baby. The doctor looks at the baby for a bit and shrugs, grabs the umbilical cord, swings the baby around his head a couple of times and smash's it against the wall. The woman starts screaming and yelling and the doctor yells "April fools!! April fools!! the baby was already dead!"

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted ice cream?
Sure-Bert

Two Palestinian women are showing each other family photos.
"This is a picture of Abdul, our eldest. He turned 21 last year" Says the first, "but he has become a martyr now."
The second woman nods and offers her condolences.
"And this," the first continues, "This is a picture of Masoud, our middle child. He martyred himself this year at the age of nineteen"
The second woman clucks her tongue sympathetically.
"And this is young Ali, he was seventeen when he martyred himself," The first woman now has tears in her eyes, "and it seems like just yesterday I was teaching him to walk!"
So the second woman puts her arm on the first's shoulder and says: "I know, they blow up so fast, don't they?"
ba-doom-ch

what was the last thing to go through kurt cobain's mind?
his teeth.

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Philippe Philoppe

two cats decide to have a swim race. one of the swimming cats is named "One-Two-Three" and the other is named "Un-Duex-Trois". Which cat won the race?
One-Two-Three because the Un-Duex-Trois quatre cinq!

in the same vein...
What do you call four Mexicans drowning?
Quatro Sinko.

How do you stop your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her head.

A guy walks into his psychiatrists office buck naked wrapped up in Saran Wrap. The Dr. says "I can clearly see your nuts"

A woman goes to the checkout line in a grocery store. While the clerk is ringing everything up, he says to the woman, "You must not be married." Surprised, the woman responds, "No, I'm not. How did you know?" The clerk replies, "Because you're ugly."

What's brown and hides in the attic?
The diarrhea of Anne Frank

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
Where's my tractor?

A woman is on the balcony of her high rise apartment and by accident she falls off. She falls down one story and is caught by her neighbor. "Oh my god thank you so much" says the woman, still being held over the edge. The man replys "so, you gonna fuck me?" The woman, shocked says "What? no." And the man responds by dropping her. She falls for another story and is caught by another man. "Thank you so much" she says, still being held over the edge. "So you gonna suck my dick?" replies the man. The woman, again shocked says "Oh my god No" and the man drops her. She falls for another story and is once again caught by a man. Not to make the same mistake 3 times she says, still hanging, "thank you, I'll fuck you I'll suck your dick or whatever you want." The man replys "ewww, slut." and drops her.

hehehe aaaand last but not least:
Where do ants live?
Antarctica

thanks you I made all these up, of course, because I am the best.

no

lol

hmmmm

Hey ya

lol

rat on!

I'm slim shady yes I'm the real shady