Story time

Okay okay so one day I was walkin down the street and I was totally drunk, hella sippin off my flask and punching anything in sight. I guess I'm just a mean drunk.
Well by this point you are surely asking yourself "What's the point of this story?" well fuck you I'm gettin there. The point IS well you see as I walking down the street I ran into this guy I know...Jim, Dave, something like that. I am not good with names...the point his he was like,
"Hey, you wana buy my Pokemon cards?" and I was like...
"Nigga...I GOT THE WHOLE SET! You might even say...that...I've caught 'em all!" and then oh man this guy got a look on his face like whoa and I was like okay it's subject change time and then I was like, "Ya know, if you ask me, it's all about the tip drillin, is anybody with me?!!" and this fag, was like,
"Is anybody with you?? What the hell are you talking about, you and me are the only two people here on this street which you were walking down..." and I was like,
"Oh reeeeeeeeeally? You might want to take a look behind you....faaaag..." and oh my I imagine this fellow recieved the shock of his life when he flipped around only to find himself staring straight into a big purple number 34 cause guess who!?! Shaq! Yes, that's right Shaq was standing right behind Dr. Jerkenstein totally decked out in full Laker regalia and man I'll be damned if Shaq didn't just start punching the hell out of this guy!!! As the punches to the face went flying I just laughed and laughed and laffed. I was cracking up and cracking the hell outta my bones and I did so. I laughed so hard that I flopped on the concrete and chipped one of my vertebra and of course i was too drunk to notice but no bone fragments pierced my spinal cord so I was a-ok!!!
After Shaq had literally killed Pokeman with less than a minute of furious beating, I slapped him on the back and gave him a high five and we laughed a bunch and I was like,
"Hey Shaq you deserve a drink outta my special flask!" and I whipped out my fancy flasky flask with the alligator skin on it and the Playboy logo emblazoned into it and I said "Drink up, fag." and he chugged down the flask booze and a few moments later he was like,
"Whoa I'm a big Shaq but even these few shots worth of booze I have just drinken have me feelin super fucked!" and I just giggled and replied,
"Oh, Shaq! Little did you realize when you drank that booze that it was laced with the date rape drug which gets you all passed out!" and oh poor Shaq he was like,
"Whaaaaoooeoooooowhhheeeeeooooooouuuurrrghhbllewwwwwwwuuurrrrrr" and I'll be damned if his eyes didn't roll back into his head and his whole body crumpled into a heap of chocolate. No, literally, he melted into a puddle of milk chocolate. I don't try to explain these things, they just happen.
Well I was feeling kinda sad cause I was all drunk offa the non-laced booze and I didn't have anything to do except listen to my Usher tape and I was just getting my walkman ready to recieve his sweet crooning when who did I see walking down the street but Kanye West and Britney Spears!!! They walked up to me and in unison they said,
"Hey Randy B.! What's the scoop!? Why is there some dead guy laying in a puddle of melted chocolate with Pokemon cards stuffed into his mouth?" and I was like,"
"Oh, it's a long story!" and Kanye, always the perfect gentleman was like,
"Yeah, it's all good. I know weird things just seem to happen around you, I'll allow you your privacy," and there was kind of an awkward silence which was punctuated by the impossibly beautiful voice of Ms. Spears singing,
"Well, Randy, I was just telling Kanye...I want you to piss in my hair."
"What!?" I exlaimed, "You want me to urinate in those beautiful blonde locks?" and she was like,
"Yes, please Randy, I beg of you...piss in my hair!" and I was like,
"Well, that's definetly not my thing...but for you Britney, anything!" and I proceded to whip out Mr. Penis as I call him I pissed all over Britney's head, and she was like,
"Oh yeah, that's right, cover my perfect hair in your fantastic man-piss!!" and I was thinkin to myself like damn this girl is fucked up, but whatever, I mean, it's Britney. And well, long story short me and Britney ended up kicking it for like the next week and she didn't wash her hair the whole time. Her hair started to smell like rotting piss really bad and her extensions were falling out like crazy and at one point she was like, "Randy...take me now!" and me not wanting to make hot love to pissy-hair Britney cause she stank I was like oh man I have got to find something major to divert focus from this awkward situation!
Well apparently Jesus the God was watching over me that day cause what did I happen to see flying through sky besides a biplane! But this was no ordinairy biplane cause being pulled behind this plane was a fancy banner which read "SEE WILL SMITH'S I, ROBOT STARTING JULY 16TH WWW.IROBOTMOVIE.COM" and I was like thank heavens I am saved and I yelled,
"Hey Britney, look at that!" and Britney turned around and she was like,
"Ooh, I really want to see tha-" but she didn't have time to finish her sentence cause I shot her in the back of her head and her face and my piss in her hair splattered all over Moby who was there for some reason and he started laughing and laughing and oh my god he wouldn't stop! I guess it was just one of those "you had to be there" moments. And then Rick Fox and Usher and Ludacris and a bunch of other black people showed up and we threw a crazy party but that, my friends, is a story for another blogspot post!
I must go...don't be sad...