I am like the guy in the new Nelly video with the crazy voice who is like "Come on over to my place"

Here is a picture I drew by hand and it is a rendering of the scene is Ghost Dad where Bill Cosby gits driven through by a big bus (not shown). I wish he looked a little more surprised, but oh well whatcha gonna do?

Last night I couldn't get my twist-off beer cap off my beer (I was drinking beer) and somebody was like "Here lemme do that for ya," and so I handed off my beer and it got opened and this one guy who was there said to me "That's makin ya look pretty bad there," and I was like "I guess..." and I gave a stupid little shrug and that was the end of that exchange.
In Jadakiss' annoying song he is like "Why'd Aaliyah have to take that flight?"
Well, that's a good question, Jada. Basically, she had just finished filming her "Rock the Boat" fuck song video in some exotic locale and she was coming back to America on a chartered plane. I guess she didn't really have to get into that aircraft, but I'm sure it made sense at the time. So there's the answer, that one was for you, Jadakiss, you stud.
Do you know how the make antivenin? They put venom in a horse and the horse magic goes to work and then they take the horse blood and it's great they use some process to get the good stuff out and that's it! Well I don't know about you but I don't want anything that's been inside a horse in my body, I think I'll take my chances with my snake bit thank you very much. R&B fucking sucks my balls all over the place!
Spiderman is my homeboy! Have you seen the video for the song about Spiderman where the guy is talking about how he is vindicated? I don't think that's how you use that word but anyways in the beginning of the video it shows a big crazy urban skyline and I always expect it to zoom in and fly up a building and show Lloyd Banks but nah, it never does. In the song about Spiderman the jerk is like "I am wrong, I am right" and I think that works really well for the Spiderman movie cause it parallels Spiderman's own inner turmoil about all that drama in his life. In the song the guy also says "Defense is paper thin" and I thought it was really brave of him to open up in a song like that.
Have you seen the cribs with the Ying-Yang Twins? It's pretty great! One of those guys keeps making this noise that I can't really type out but it's kinda like "nyuueeah" hehehe At one point during the tour of this place, one of the dudes is like "Yeah, we gotta have the musical note candles, cause we love music," and it's great! I want some musical note candles! Hey, no, don't cry! Aw shit, please don't cry.
Speaking of crying, you know what's really funny? When somebody looks like they are about to cry, say "Gonna cry?"
Kanye West is so cool. Ol' puffy-face writes the best songs about anything, especially Jesus and whatnot. Well, I guess you win, Kanye, I'm becoming a Christian! lol j/k Welllllll aaaannyyyyyywaysssssssssssssssss in the video at one point there is a Ku Klux Klan guy burning a cross and the cross tips over and the Klan guy jumps foward and I'm sure if he weren't wearing that mask you could probably see him mouth out "Oh shit!" and lolol
Oh shit have you seen the latest Hoobastank video??! I just saw and it's great! Old Tyler Claycomb is back and it's crazy and all sorts of shit goes down and it turns out lead singer guy was a cop the whole time! Damn, I didn't see that one coming!
Have you seen the Eminem thing where he is like "Get up now yum!" It's pretty crazy how Eminem's wife has tried to kill herself like a million times! Maybe all those goofy songs he writes about killing her a bunch are making her depressed. What a slutty bitch!
I never wear a condom cause I am too big for them, they don't make condoms big enough for me. Unfortunately, it's hard to find a vagina that can accomodate my man rod, so basically I can only have sex with really tall women.
You know that commercial for "Chaser" where the guy is like, "Ohhhhh man I am sooooo hung over, I feel like I got hit by a house. How come you are so perky this morning? you drank more than I did! It's not fair! It's just not fair!" and the gal with the cool hair is like "I took chaser, remember?!?" You know that one? Well wouldn't it be funny if they guy was like "No, I don't remember cause I was really drunk lol!"
What's the deal with women and booze? As I've so brilliantly observed in the past, a large number of women only seem to get all horny when they are drunk. I think it has something to do with state dependant learning. Like suppsosedly if you study for a test while you are really drunk, the only possible way to do well on that test is to be really drunk again. The point is, ladies, why do you all have to be such big crazy sluts? Jesus, women, put some pants on!
People don't usually die in their sleep...they wake up screaming and then they die in bed. Nelly is such a pimp.