Words of Wisdom

I've been around. In my travels I've met a bunch of black people, and even more white people, but that's not the point. The point is that out of all these black people I've met, I'll tell you there hasn't been a single one who couldn't play harmonica. Is this just a racist stereotype? Perhaps. But, listen folks, when you meet a lot of black people not only do you get to hear plenty of soulful harmonica jams, you also learn a lot about how the world works. Up until now I've been hesitant to share all the wonderful things black people have taught me, but I think it's time to open the floodgates of my immense knowledge.
Contrary to popular belief, you can judge a book by its cover but it probably won't be a very accurate judgment.
Ain't no party like a Hilfiger party cause a Hilfiger party don't stop.
God hates fags (Austin 3:16), but that doesn't mean he's not secretly attracted to them.
Really, all I need to know in life that I didn't learn from black people I learned from my cat. Like I learned that you should eat your food like it might disappear at any moment. Also you should get spooked out really easily, cause most of the time you are just gonna look like a spaz, but it just might save your life.
It's funny to grab a cat by its back legs and push it around like a wheelbarrow. Or to pick it up by its front legs and make it walk like a people person.
If you're on a roller coaster don't try and stand up or you might get chopped in half.
Speaking of getting chopped in half, Dave Chapelle is kind of a loser and he brews up a good show but I don't think he's very comfortable being black. Dave Chapelle is about as comfortable being black as Eminem is being white.
If you are on-base and there's two outs you need to run on anything.
Even after you take the magazine out of a pistol mcshotsem gun there's still a bullet in the chamber, so don't point it at anybody and pull the trigger cause you'll shoot 'em.
President Bush = fag.
If your computer is running way to slow, the best immediate solution is to hit ctrl+alt+delete and see if something is fucking up. A lot of times there will be adobe acrobat or some other program which you closed but it didn't really close. For Mac users, I don't know go fuck yourself or something.
Never regret money spent on books or flowers. But at the same time you can't always just a buy a gal flowers cause she might think you are cheating on her. And if you buy her a book she will think you are gay.
Never post your e-mail address publicly on the web. There are programs which basically scan web pages for random e-mail addresses to add to mailing lists. Also, don't ever "unsubscribe" from a spam mailing list because it's just a trick that shows the tricky jerks out there that your e-mail address is active.
Don't try to grab a cop's gun, he will probably just shoot you with it!
If there's something on the ground that looks interesting, don't pick it up. It's probably a bomb and/or covered in a thin layer of poop.
And that's all my advice for today, folks! Take it to heart and let it carry you through life on a purple cloud!