Don't you hate it when some drunk chick is sucking you off and she throws up all over your cock?

Lord knows I do. Well hey everybody what's up? How are you doing? I hope thay all of you are doing well...except for the jocks. I fucking hate the jocks. If I had a gun I'd shoot 'em all. I guess they are just lucky that I don't have a gun to gun them down with. I also hate the band Modest Mouse. Speaking of hate, I thought I'd share with you the most recent entry posted in the livejournal of my pal Mia...here it is:

I hate my life more than anything on the face of the planet right now. I'm so drunk and so unbelieveabl.y sad

Now reading this comment really pisses me off because there's obviously a period right near the end but not actually at the end of the sentence. What the fuck? Mia posted this comment at 12:46 AM on the 1st, which makes me wonder why she was sitting at her computer when she should have been wearing a hat and sloppily making out with Jose Conseco. Last night I watched a fat Mexican guy do a line of coke. He looked kind of like the Michelin Man, except not white (in more ways than one, if you know what I mean).
I'd like to take a moment to talk about the greatest supermodel ever: Tyra Banks. Her ass is a spaceship I want to ride. Now, that comment might lead you to believe that I have some sort of ass fetish, but fuck you no I don't. Actually, my fetish is for riding spaceships...somehow I doubt that my most erotic fantasies will ever be fully realized.