50 niggas deep

Hey! Well, as you may have noticed, there's been a revolution in the works here in Booztown...a G-Unit revolution, that is. Folks, I'm fucking kidding, fucking chill out. But really, you've probably been asking yourself, "What's the deal with all of this G-Unit madness? Why has Gary Zon AKA Randy B. AKA Clyde Drexler taken it upon himself to post so many useless bastardizations of the cover for G-Unit's debut album, entitled 'Beg for Mercy'...and why am I strangely aroused by all of this?" If only I was around to hear these queries, I would probably reply, "Aren't they awesome? I don't know why I do this...I did not choose the G-Unit, the G-Unit chose me. Also, I don't understand why you are aroused by my expressions of crazy blackness, but odds are you're a pervert." Well, pervs, lean in close to your computer monitors because you're about to be taken on a whirlwind tour of the crazy shit G-Unit pictures which have blessed the internet over the past week. I'd just like to say that I realize one's first instinct might be to classify many of these pictures as psychedelia. That is to say, materials characterized as being inspired by or in imitation of the psychedelic state. Well bah, fuck you. That's not what this is, so don't put labels on me or my wack shit work, because I will break free of those labels and shoot you 9 times. The purpose of this entry is to run through all of the sweet-o pictures I've made from the cover of "Beg for Mercy." If you want to see a full-sized version of the images I discuss, just click on 50 Cent's head and that picture will open up in a new window. Enjoy, and remember: don't hate, don't judge, and don't be scurred.

This is pretty much your standard Booztown picture. My basic process for getting a picture like this starts with taking a photograph, smashing it down, then un-smashing it to make it look blocky and pixelated. You can interpret my apparent attraction to this blockiness however you want, as long as your interpretation makes me seem smart and cool. After I get the a picture all blocky, I then export it, reducing the number of colors shown and replacing those colors with prettier colors. The only really notable part of this pic is the separate layer partially covering the faces of the G-Unit jerks. Lloyd Banks looks sad, 50 looks pissed, and Young Buck looks like he was hit by a flying boat. This picture was made before I decided to totally craze out on the cover of G-Unit's "Beg for Mercy."

This is when I decided to totally craze out on the cover of G-Unit's "Beg for Mercy." After creating this second image, I said to myself, out loud, "Gee, how far can I take this?" In case you were wondering, the answer is "Pretty far!" The only real artistic touch in this pic is that I overlapped two similarly colorful distortions of the album over, creating patches of poopy brown color that notably coincide with the purple areas in the previous picture. I could have made this a wholly rainbow-y image, but I think those ugly shit spots give it some character. I like the way 50's eyebrows look.

Nothing too crazy here, I was just sorta warming up for a string of G-Unit madness. This picture is different from the first two in that it's not a distortion of the album cover, but rather of the base picture itself (without the group name, album name, or parental advisory warning). I like the yellow overlay on the Tony Yayo "mural." I like the way the burgundy coloring on the left side contrasts with the purplish pieces on the right. I like the pink, green, and purple colors show through the shit on the G-Unit jerseys. The pink parts are from a picture of a watermelon.

Whoa, now! Let a nigga flow, now. j/kj/k/ jk/j!! Arguably the most distorted picture in the bunch, I think that this one is pretty damn sexy. Come to think of it, this kind of reminds me of the end of that Lloyd Banks video where they are all dancing around and being a warrior. Although it wasn't my original intention, I enjoy the fact that it kind of looks like 50 and the gang are being chased down with flashlights by extremely nearsighted senior patrol volunteers. Also, it kind of looks like there's a skull in the middle; that's hardcore.

Free Yayo! Not too much to explain about this pic...filtered out some stuff, made it green, put it back over the shit, blurred it, sharpened it, and there ya go, that's why 50 and his crew look so spooky and intimidating. I like the crazy background a lot, especially the little green and purple bits. Green and purple, in my opinion, are the two colors which offer each other the best contrast. Don't ask me why! I like the brick wall on the left side. I think that 50 cent looks rather noble in this picture, like a Zulu chieftain, or perhaps Ernie Hudson. Or Seal.

Oh, 50, is there anything you can't do? Besides, rap, that is. Hey, folks, I'm just kidding, chill the fuck out. Well, this pic is pretty much your standard "Beg for Mercy" fare. It's just a nice mix of colors that might provoke some sort of emotional response in an individual. Could that individual be YOU? This is the only image in the "series" that uses transparent pixels, letting the Booztown background leak through and giving 50 Cent the distinct appearance of a burn victim. Or of Seal. I like the way the graffiti in the bottom-left area of the picture looks.

I don't know why, but I think the colors in this picture are about as perfect as I could want them to be. The background in the top area is really beautiful, and I think that little bit is what makes this piece relatively evocative. It makes me want to eat a Cadbury Cream Egg or something. The most unique part of this picture is probably the fact that the front area is a color-shifted negative image. A cheap trick, to be certain, but I was bound to incorporate it in one of these images and I think it was well-utilized.

Oh shit! I hope 50 Cent doesn't see this picture cause if he does, I'm gonna have to explain why I turned him into Xzibit! Well, this one was one admittedly created while I somewhat drunk. It's a good demonstration of my ability to go "Ahhh, fuck it...watch this." As you can probably tell, I just did a sassy little free-form drawing in Paint and then put a single layer of G-Unit jerk shit on top. What you probably wouldn't realize is that this actually the same layer that created 50's McDonald's face way back in the first image. Crazy? Yes. But true? Yes. The best part of the wacky background is the initials "J.D." written at the bottom. J.D. stands for "Jermaine Dupri," and I don't care who you are, that's funny.

Oh, nice! When I made this picture it was immediately my favorite distortion of the Beg for Mercy album cover up to that point. Despite being one the more poignantly colorful creations in the bunch, I think it easily has the most brooding tone. The background seems to me to be somewhat apocalyptic, and the overall coloring is just a shade darker than I would usually make it. In addition, the crazy blue-ish faces on the G-Unit make them look ghostly, almost like drowning victims. This wacky face thing was actually the last thing I put into the image, and I'm extremely glad I did. In case you were wondering what the image would look like without the layer that created that effect, which if true would dramatically lower my opinion of you, here ya go.

Welp, I knew I had to include a wacky grayscale image in this shit sometime, and and that time apparently came (no pun intended) early in the morning of Friday, February 18th 2005. Creating this picture was pretty much just a process of using the same basic manipulations I usually do, only occasionally stomping everything into "black and white". The best part of this picture is how I replaced the album title in the corner; for some reason I find this a lot funnier than I should. I guess I just have a weird sense of humor! Just kidding...I hate it when people say that. No, really, I really don't hate that, but I do hate it when people talk about how much they "hate" the annoying things that other people do. Or do I? If you're confused right now then you're probably a moron.

""Rawr! I'm gonna getcha!" That's what 50 Cent would say if this picture came alive like in Ghostbusters II. I actually don't think this picture is all that spooky, but it's weird, whenever I run up to kids on the street and show them a printout of this picture and say "Rawr! I'm gonna getcha!" they almost always start crying! Actually, 50 looks extremely indifferent in this picture, while Lloyd Banks' semi-permanent scowl is scowlier than ever! Please, Lloyd Banks, don't hurt 'em! And by "em" I mean "me." Notable: Tony Yayo is in full effect, jumpin' all out atcha and all up in ya like any half-decent combination of Scarface references should.

This one is way cool...man. 50 and his posse of hardcore thug jerks find themselves out of their comfort zone as they abandon that fucking ghetto street or whatever the hell it is and strike a tough pose in front of a fantastical cityscape. The background is actually a combination of about 5 different skylines, including New York, Chicago, Sydney, Singapore, and Houston. I think it looks pretty cool. I especially like how crunchy the G-Unit looks, a result of my running them through a sharpen filter a couple of times.

Oh. Yeah. I don't know about you, but this last one is my favorite crazy picture of the bunch. It took be about two hours to whip up, and is obviously the most complex and varied interpretation of the album cover. I started this picture by creating the gang's faces and working outward from there. Lloyd Banks looks funny, kind of like a robot. 50 Cent looks like he is winking. Young Buck looks like he is baring his teeth slightly and trying to appear intimidating. There's really not too much I can say about this one, but my favorite parts of the image are the pink/yellow/green/black spotty thing next to Young Buck and the wavy rainbow lines all over the middle. 50 Cent's left arm looks pretty sweet, also.

Well there you have it! That's about the last of that shit. I hope you enjoyed my little tour through some of the ways I can take a picture and make it look pretty neat. I bet if 50 Cent had known I was going to do this when the picture for the G-Unit album cover was taken, then he probably would have told La-Lloydy and Bucko to think their poses through a little more carefully. That's not to say that any of them look awkward or out of place, but hey, you just never know when somebody's going to pound out a dozen or so freaky color spaz-outs of your picture. I think I'm going to take a short break from posting entries 'round here in Booztown, but in a week or so I'll be back with more crazy things that make you laugh but also make you go hmmmmmmmmmm...unless I get hit by a big truck and die, in which case, wouldn't this be spooky?